Raising Them Up

2012-01-27T15:32:00.003-05:00

Blogging hasn't been a front runner in my life these days.

Obviously.

I have gotten back to working out in the evenings. I am in week 4 of Chalean Extreme. I haven't had the drastic results I got last time I did it. I attribute this to my eating habits. They simply aren't as spectacular as they were the first time.

At this point though, I am just happy to say that I haven't missed many workouts. And I am getting stronger. I have lost 6lbs so far. I would love for that to be 10lbs, but I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have other things to focus on!

I have been diligent in building my photography website - www.randiboydphotography.com. In fact, its done and has been revealed to the public. I couldn't be more proud of it!! I can't wait for the Spring so I can start photographing everyone that has requested a Spring session with me.

Plus, I just bought my daughter this dress. And I am incredibly excited to photograph her in it. I have a vision. And this dress is a part of it :-)

In the meantime, I've basically just been trying to slow down my life. I am trying to play with the kids a bit more. And photograph them being themselves. I am trying to stare at them more and really try and take them in when they talk to me. I am noticing things about them that I have never noticed before. Its amazing how beautiful and unique they each are. Truly, they are little masterpieces. I love their Creator. He is so generous.

To wrap up these ramblings, here are a few things I have captured recently of my middle man.

For those of you that are interested, here is a before and after of my editing process...

And here is my favorite version of it...

I can't stop staring at it. And him.

Middlest

2012-01-21T21:00:00.002-05:00

Buddy Boo,

I wanted to stop and write to you tonight because I want you to know that I do love you. It seems like lately we have more challenging days than overall good days together. I don't know if its because you're three, or if you are just stubborn, or if its all my fault, but it seems that we butt heads all.day.long. some days.

Today was definitely one of those days. It started early this morning and it just continued all day. I fought with you and eventually got you to take a nap around 11am. You slept for almost 3 hours. I hoped you would feel better about life once you woke up, and for a little while, you did. But this evening turned on us quickly when you bit your baby brother.

Today just threw me a curve ball. Daddy was supposed to be home but snow and ice delayed his flight. You threw tantrums and I pretty much threw them right back at you. I'm sorry for acting your age instead of mine.

I just want you to know that I love you. And that I am proud of you. You do so well in school and at church. I get nothing but positive reports from your teachers everywhere. You are so easy to love. You smile, you snuggle, and you have an adorable little voice and a funny way of using the wrong pronouns in almost every sentence. I love it. I love you.

I love when you run around the house naked after using the downstairs bathroom. I love that you still suck your thumb (don't tell Daddy or Dr. O'Shea). And I love the way you curl up in my lap next to the baby while he is nursing.

I love that no matter how many times I lose my temper with you, you always love me right back. The same way I love you right back.

I promise to do my best for you. I will give all of me to you. Forever. I will not give up on training you up to be a honorable and Godly man. I know we'll continue to have our spats as you grow up, but I want you to know that above all else, I love you to no end.

To the Moon and Back.

Love,

Mommy

Its been a while!

2012-01-11T13:38:00.004-05:00

Wow, its been quite a while since I have blogged!

"What on earth have you been up to?" You may wonder (or not.)

We headed to Atlanta for Christmas and had a wonderful visit with lots of family and many friends.

Here is a picture of my mom's tree....seriously. This is in her house. Not a magazine.

Once we arrived home about 10 days ago, I have done nothing but try and reorganize my house and my life.

I did several (about 8!) photo sessions while I was home, so I have been editing my eyeballs out every evening trying to get pictures done and on CDs and mailed to their respective clients. I have also been trying get my branding and marketing in place for my new business. My husband has been helping me with this big time. My website is now officially a work in progress. Thanks B for all your help!!

(Those are just a handful of the ones I have been working on!)

I have also been trying to crank out laundry and continue with the post Christmas-gift-reorganization that becomes necessary very year.

Oh, and I began my Chalean Extreme workout program again last week. I am 100% committed to it and am lifting so heavy, even I am surprised at myself and my determination this go-round. My goal is to drop the rest of this pregnancy weight by the time the baby turns one in April. Well, honestly, I hope its gone my March, but we'll see how quickly it comes off, haha!

At the end of each day when I am tired and ready to just spend some time without the little ones needing me is when I slip on my workout clothes and break out a serious sweat. I lift, pant, sweat, grunt, jump, stretch, lunge, and squat.

What I won't do is quit.

"Don't quit when you're tired. Quit when you're DONE!"

I read that this week and it has stuck with me. I have to do this. I have a beautiful wardrobe hanging in my closet that I don't fit into. I am determined to get into those adorable Spring clothes again...like leggins and the romper :-)

I am so ready to go from this...

Back to this....

20-25 pounds is all that stands in my way...

A "Last"

2011-12-13T21:16:00.002-05:00

It may seem rather silly to many of you, but others of you will 100% know what I mean when I say that packing up baby things after they have been used for the last time can be pretty tough on mommy.

I am almost always too busy to really pay attention to the "last" time we use certain things because, well, one day, he is in the swing...and the next day it is in my way and I have shoved it upstairs in a closet. But now, I don't even remember the "last" time he swung in it - the last time any of my babies will swing in it.

But today marks a special last for me. Maybe goofy for you. But special to me.

Today N wore one of my very favorite outfits for the very last time. Nearly three years ago, I bought this outfit for D. And it quickly became my favorite.

The colors, the fit, the comfort - I loved it all.

When I found out I was having another boy and I went through all of D's old clothes, I pulled out this outfit with love in my heart. I knew that eventually N would wear it.

And wear it he has!

But today, as I got him dressed, I noticed the onsie was really pretty snug. And the waistband of the pants is pretty snug too.

Today is the last time that my last boy will wear this favorite outfit.

So when N woke up early from his nap and we began paying on the floor of his room, I quickly decided to run downstairs and grab my camera.

To capture this last.

Again, this may be silly to you.

But to me, its was important.

So here they are...

The pictures of a "last."

Christmas Magic

2011-12-12T21:29:00.002-05:00

I just thought I'd share a couple images capturing what goes on in my house on any given day.

I am really trying to be more "behind the scenes" in my photography lately. Trying not to pose so much, trying harder to just capture what happens naturally.

I find it all more real that way.

More honest.

Happy week before Christmas, my friends. Enjoy the magic. Remember the Reason.

My baby just being his happy drooly self. In his pjs. At lunch time.

And here is my hubby helping D transition from nap time back to the world of playtime and fun...

It just doesn't get any sweeter.

And my girl. Just being her normal beautiful self.

Broken Hearts and Fear

2011-12-08T11:32:00.001-05:00

I don't know if its just that our emotions are heightened at this time of year or if it really is true that more hearts are breaking right now.

It seems like each time I turn around, I learn about a new shaking world for someone.

I have a friend my age battling caner right now. All she wants for Christmas is to see her young children grow up. I have people in my life who are suffering from broken relationships. Long standing relationships, now over...in an instant. There are beautiful, amazing, mature women longing to be married and building families of their own. But as the years go by, God keeps saying, "no, not yet." And then there are those wonderful couples that want nothing more than a baby of their own. And no matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, it just isn't happening.

Broken hearts.

Broken hearts to the left.

Broken hearts to the right.

I have been thinking about this blog entry for a few days. I don't really know what to say or how to approach the subject - the subject of the reality of life.

That life is unfair. That sin is in this world and it isn't the perfect world that God originally designed. And its hard. Very hard for so many of us.

All I can really say is that if I know about your situation, I am praying for you. I know there are hundreds of situations I don't know of, but for those of you that have made your struggles public or for those of you that have confided in me, I am praying for you.

Praying for peace in your heart.

Praying for you to feel the Lord holding you.

And often, praying for a miracle.

My heart breaks for you. My tears fall with yours. And I am up many nights tossing and turning in bed praying and crying out to the Lord with you.

As I think about this whole issue, I am reminded of a Beth Moore bible study video I watched once about fear. She talked about facing some of our biggest fears. She says that one of hers in the past has been that her husband would leave her for another woman. That she wouldn't be desirable to him. That her children would like the new woman and that she would be left alone.

She explained how to process through the fear.

For me, my biggest fear in all the world is losing one of my children. I am sure many of you share that fear.

She told us to press on...

Then what? After your biggest fear happens.

So, if I lose a child, then what?

Well, I'd be devastated.

I'd cry for months.

I don't know how I'd carry on.

I'd be mad, angry, sad, and hopeless all at the same time.

I might think I can't continue living...

Then what?

Well, then I guess I'd eventually get up. My tears may eventually start to lessen.

I'd have to continue on for my other children. Get them fed, dressed, and to school. Maybe I'd get counseling to help process my aching breaking heart.

Then what?

Then I guess eventually life would keep going. It just wouldn't stop, I guess.

Then what?

Then life becomes a new normal.

Then what?

Then God.

He is still there.

He never left.

No matter what happened. No matter how horrible I feel. No matter how angry and sad I become.

If everything in this world was taken from me...

Then God.

My God is faithful.

I heard this message as my husband was deployed. I cried as I listened to her speak. I thought of what it would be like if my husband didn't make it home. Or if something horrible happened to a member of my immediate family. I processed through a lot of my fears.

An although it didn't make my anticipated immediate reaction to those fears lessen any, it reminded me that the outcome is always the same.

Then God.

For those of you who have a shaking world right now, He is there as well. That shaking world is probably shaking because of a fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of dying. Fear of someone you love dying. Fear of never having a family.

It seems like most of what we go through in life that challenges us derives from a fear.

Beth Moore states all of this much better than I even could. If you need an answer. Or hope. Or even if you don't need either, I'd highly suggest you listen to her speak on the topic of fear.

Nursing

2011-12-03T21:16:00.003-05:00

Warning - nursing pictures to follow!

When I was still pregnant with my baby girl 6 years ago, I was talking one day to a friend who had 4 children. I told her that I was a little sad because once I had the baby, there wouldn't be this secret bond between she (baby) and I anymore. See, each time she moved and kicked, only she and I knew it.

Other people would know if I told them, but really, it was mostly just our secret. I was already sad that once she entered this world, that would be gone. No more secret bond.

My friend so lovingly told me that it doesn't end. She said, if you nurse your baby, that secret continues. That bond lives on.

She was right. Right for C. Right for D. And now right for N.

Being that N is most likely my last baby, I really want to remember that secret that we share. After seeing some nursing photography online earlier this week, I thought that a couple pictures may be the perfect way to document and remember this short period in our relationship as mother and baby.

I would have been far too modest to ever do anything like this when I had C. In fact back then, I nursed in dressing rooms, bathrooms, and my car when we were out. Its no wonder I stopped so early on.

But by now, with the third, I see the beauty in breast feeding. I nurse anywhere I want. With no shame.

My dearest over at Sarah Spencer Photography was very willing to help me in this endeavor. What she captured touched me deeply. These pictures are more perfect than I ever imagined they would be. They capture the secret.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Sarah. I can't wait to do the same for you.

And just because I love him...

Baby Fun

2011-12-03T20:02:00.003-05:00

My 7 month old is a huge bright spot of my day. His smiles. His kisses. His tiny squishy thighs. He is 15lbs of pure joy.

I have decided that I want to start capturing more pictures of him doing his every day type activites....in his every day fashion.

So here is what I got this week.

Some book reading and playtime with his big sister. She was so excited about the "baby" library book she got from school. She immediately came home and tried to read it to him. He only lasted for so long before he decided to just play with her instead.

And then here he is playing on the ground like he always does. With his little diaper rash ridden bottom airing out under his PJs.

Yes, he does pee on the carpet.

No, I don't care.

Its baby pee for goodness sake!

"Mom Photogs"

2011-12-02T20:26:00.006-05:00

The more and more I am learning about the world of photography - the actual business of photography I should say - the more I realize I don't like a lot of "pro photographers."

There is this huge issue in the photography realm about moms like myself buying a DSLR, learning how to shoot, and starting a business.

Pros HATE it.

I don't know if some of them are bitter because they are still paying off their photography degree student loans, or if they are just threatened by the shear amount of competition out there. But they hate it. Its on photography forums. Its on photographer's blogs. Its everywhere. They aren't ashamed or hesitant to knock the moms like myself who are just getting started.

I want to ask them...

Didn't you start somewhere yourself? You know, before you became a pro?

Or were you just born a FABULOUS photographer completely proficient in photoshop?

Have you stopped learning new things now that you're a pro? Because you know it all already.

After all, you are a pro, right?

Here is my side of the coin, professional photographers. I have heard plenty of your side.

I live in a world where money is tight. Very tight. We are a one income family and my husband is enlisted in the military. We scrape by paying our bills, our car payment, putting food on the table, and preschool tuition for one of my three children.

I love to take pictures. Its been a hobby of mine for a long time. I bought my DSLR when my first child was born because my silly point and shoot wasn't fast enough to catch her quick movements.

I have a very strong appreciation for photography and always have. For good photography I should say.

I love it. I want it so badly. I have researched many times online for the perfect photographer to capture my children. To make time stand still. To create that beautiful image of my babies.

But the bottom line is, no matter how many times I have researched it, no matter how many times I have planned it, no matter how many times I have pleaded with my husband, the fact remains, we just can't afford it.

We can't afford my taste in photography.

So, I've gone to JC Penny. I have gone to Portrait innovations. I have taken pictures myself. And fortunately, a few wonderful pro photographer friends have taken some pictures for me throughout the years. I even invested in a better lens once to try and improve my own skills!

I finally decided this year to learn to use my camera in manual mode. I figured, if I can't afford the kind of photography that I desire, then I am going to learn to create it myself - or as close to it as I can.

I enlisted the advice of a great photographer friend, and then from another, then another. They taught me the basics. I practiced, and practiced, and practiced. I have taken thousands of pictures in the last 4 months. Practicing. Learning. Growing.

After a little while, friends noticed what I was doing and asked me to do pictures for them. I agreed to do some for a small amount of money and some for a barter of services. Word of mouth got out and I found myself doing more and more of these inexpensive sessions. I realized that I could start a real business!

Starting in January, I will kick off my business for real. Real rates. Real website, Real business.

If I am somehow a threat to you and your "pro" business, I apologize. I thought I was just taking pictures for my friends (and their friends) and making a small amount from it. I am not trying to earn a living.

I am a full-time mom.

And now I am an on-the-side photographer.

Exactly HOW am I hurting the industry? By providing a service to families who otherwise couldn't have afforded family pictures in the first place? If anything I am probably stealing business from Sears, JC Penny, and The Picture People!

Lets compare this to vehicles. I heard one photographer compare this issue to luxury vehicles...She is a pro. Her service is a luxury. She charges accordingly. Her photography is beautiful. Very beautiful.

I think there are plenty of people who drive luxury vehicles. Their BMWs are beautiful. Their Mercedes lack nothing. They are also expensive. They are WAY out of my budget.

So, I drive a Dodge Minivan.

Is Dodge ruining the auto industry by putting out more affordable not-quite-as-fancy vehicles?

No.

They simply appeal to a different group of people. People like me. People on a tight budget.

I see a similar trend with photography. There are some amazing photographers out there producing images gorgeous enough to make me cry. But I could never ever afford them.

Then there is me. Maybe I am like a Dodge. Very dependable. Appealing to many. Not quite as "fancy" as the BMW.

I am more affordable. And I promise to stay that way. I produce images that appeal to a particular group of people. Maybe not the BMW crowd, but definitely to a pretty big crowd.

So, to all you pros that I annoy by just doing what I am doing, I'm sorry. Learn to produce a better image than me. Go market yourself better. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself more business.

But leave me out of it!

Little Kids

2011-11-25T21:36:00.006-05:00

So today I realized that I don't want my kids to grow up anytime soon. I would like to freeze them just as they are...tantrums, tears, drama, and all.

I know I think that quite a bit, but today it hit home harder than usual.

I took my little ones to a playground in our neighborhood because they were driving me nuts in the house. They ran off to swing, climb, and well, just run while a pretty large group of older kids hung out and played as well. These big kids - a whopping 9-12 years old - were hanging out on the swings and around the equipment. Talking to and mocking each other. Some boy said something rather mean to a girl and she shouted back numerous times, "I WILL beat you you if I have to!"

The mommy in me wanted to break up this spat (which didn't get physical) and send the kids playing and sharing happily and peacefully.

But no, these weren't my kids. They weren't even being supervised by any adult. These kids were on their own.

It made me turn back to my kids. I pushed D on the swing. C climbed a really tall piece of equipment and made me nervous.

I realized that I never want her (or D) to be one of those kids exchanging words unsupervised on the playground. I want to shelter her under the safety of my wings for as long as possible.

Maybe thats not the best method. Maybe thats not teaching her how to "live in the real world" but truthfully, I don't care. The world didn't birth her. The world hasn't poured every last ounce of effort, love, and devotion into her.

I have.

And I think I should have a say in her life.

And I think I should be able to shelter her if I want to.

After a little while, I got tired of listening to the tween drama next to me and I instructed my kids to come play on the little kid playground off to the side. They ran off together and played on the seesaw. Then they raced down a set of matching slides over and over again.

We eventually left and headed back towards our house. They raced to a wooden swing and back to me as we wandered homeward.

Obviously, C won by a landslide, but she casually said as D came trailing behind her,

"Whoever comes in last is the winner."

My heart leapt.

How is it that she is so kind and thoughtful towards her little brother?

He simply shrugged and replied,

"I know. I won..."

He played it cool but I know he was beaming. These days, all he wants to do is race. We race other cars on the road when we drive - well, not REALLY race...he just thinks we are. They race to see who can get undressed for the bath the fastest, they race up the stairs, etc.

C wins every time. To him, winning is big. And he had jut "won" thanks to his gracious sister.

I praised her and validated her kindness.

We stopped at yet another set of swings close to our home and I let them swing off some more energy without the distraction of other older children.

I pushed D and C pumped.

D said, "I'm going HIGH!"

C followed up with,"I'm going high too. I can almost touch the trees!!!"

She then closed her eyes as she swung as if to will herself higher into the sky.

"but I'm being careful...." she added. She knows me, a safety nut, so well.

I tried to soak her in. Soak them both in as they swung. And giggled. And squealed as I ticked their feet.

It made me realize how thankful I am to have these little kids who are not ashamed to play like little kids. They aren't trying to be cool. They aren't trying to impress.

C isn't embarrassed to be seen with, play with, bathe with, and snuggle with her little brother.

In fact, they are the best of friends. They love each other to no end.

And that is why I love having little kids. And I wish I could freeze them at this age forever!

I should note that I didn't actually have my camera with me for most of this outing. It wasn't until I stood pushing D on the swings when I was trying to soak every bit of them in that I actually called B and had him walk my camera out to me. After he delivered it, I begin photographing the kids.

My mind just wasn't doing justice. I was too afraid I'd forget.

Forget their smiles. Forget the hole in C's leggings and her big clunky tennis shoes, forget D's yellow crocks and rolled up blue jeans. I was just too afraid I would forget it all.

Lessons Learned

2011-11-22T20:22:00.002-05:00

Sometime, lessons are learned the hard way. Yesterday D and a friend learned why we do not throw rocks...

I hope this will translate well when I tell him not to throw rocks again, or sticks, or run in the street, or run with a sucker in his mouth, etc...

I am just glad it hit his ear and not his eye or anywhere else on his face.

Sorry if this picture grossed you out! ;-)

Preschool

2011-11-17T21:57:00.003-05:00

My middlest started preschool this week.

I can't really believe we are at this stage for him because it seems like yesterday that I was at Ft. Bragg dropping C off at preschool and spending three mornings a week with just my little baby boy. We bonded. We went everywhere together. He never went in childcare. He always went with me.

And now here we are. I am now taking him to preschool and spending the mornings with my youngest, my next little baby...who goes everywhere with me.

Its like my family and life with D, my middle man, has come full circle in just two short years.

My same baby boy that runs around in a shirt and underwear most days, still pleads with me before every nap to "leep with me, mommy," kisses his sister goodbye moments before she steps on the school bus, and snuggles into my lap sucking his thumb to read a story is now going to school.

Some days he looks so big.

And then just moments later, he seems so little.

He did great on his first day. I knew he would. I said good bye to him twice as he stood on the little rug with his classmates. He was more interested in the children throwing fits and having a hard time saying goodbye than he was in me.

There may have been a part of me that wanted him to throw a tiny fit about me leaving. Or maybe just cling to me a little longer. But he didn't.

He just stood there quietly waiting for instruction from his teacher. Like I said, I kissed him and hugged him twice...and then I slowly walked out the door...peering over my shoulder and watching him as I did.

When I came to pick him up, his teacher said he did great. She said, "he belongs here." I couldn't be more proud of my little big guy. My crazy D.

All I can say is watch out world. D is ready to take you on. He is starting with matching cards, using the boys' bathroom, and learning his 5 senses, but he's coming.

And he's a heartbreaker...

Christmas Decorating. In November.

2011-11-15T20:48:00.003-05:00

I am one of those "crazies" that decorates for Christmas well before Thanksgiving.

On facebook, I have discovered that for some people, this is an unheard of practice :-(

I say, pish posh to them. I love Christmas and I don't think its ever too early to decorate!

Here is why I decorate so early....

1. I start decorating for Fall in August because by August, I am done with the hot summer and and ready to move on to some Fall colors and scents. So...by November, I have seen my Fall decor for 3 months. I am ready for a change.

2. My kids do a lot of waiting through out the year - They wait months to see their grandparents. They wait weeks at a time to see their Daddy. They wait a year for Christmas. So to me, if I can make Christmas come two weeks earlier than the rest of the world, I will. They get it that much quicker. And it lasts that much longer! Its a win/win.

3. I don't skip over Thanksgiving like some people believe, but for us, Thanksgiving just isn't a big hoopla. We are going to gather with some of our church friends and have a big feast at one of their homes. I am really looking forward to it! This is happening the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving itself, B will be packing to leave for another long trip and I am thinking we may just go out to eat as a little family for a good home cooked meal - maybe Cracker Barrel. B won't be home again until well into December, so at least he will have a little taste of some of our Christmas decorations before he leaves for a portion of the Christmas season.

4. Putting up Christmas decorations take a lot of time. Its a big deal. So, I would rather look at them for as long as possible. Plus, we go home to Atlanta for the last 10 days of December, so we don't get to enjoy our tree then....see why it makes sense to put it up 10 days sooner than everyone else?

5. Most of all, I LOVE CHRISTMAS! I love Christmas so very much. Its in my blood. My mom already has two trees up. My youngest sister already has her tree up. And my cousin fully expects to be fully decorated (inside and out) by this weekend. Its just what we do.

Call me crazy.

It probably wouldn't be the first time. ;-)

So, if you are not completely against the fact that today is November 15th, and I am done decorating my house for Christmas, please feel free to enjoy some pictures from our evening.

As always, I feel the need to capture every moments for our family in Atlanta and for my husband who is out of town once again. He has missed 5 straight years of tree decorating - I am beginning to think he is doing this on purpose!

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T22:15:00.002-04:00

My kids decided they wanted to go to a Fall Festival instead of trick-or-treating for Halloween. We still got them costumes and had a ton of fun, but we headed over to a great celebration on-post at the chapel of food, crafts, games, prizes and candy. The kids had a ball, but of course when we were done, we walked across the street and let them trick-or-treat up and down one block.

The baby slept in the stroller. The kids ran. D tripped, C got scared of some people scaring older kids. Then we loaded up and headed back home.

A good time was had by all :-)

Here are a few pictures of the kids all dolled up for the fun filled evening before we left the house...

My littlest man is now on the verge of sitting unassisted!

My three crazy loves :-)

And this picture (though not that great of a "quality" picture) just makes my heart jump for joy. I have the best daughter in the whole world. I couldn't be more proud of how she relates to her brothers...

5 1/2

2011-10-26T22:29:00.002-04:00

I took my big girl out this evening to the path in our neighborhood to snap a few pictures. I've been so busy photographing my friends lately, that I haven't taken too many pictures of my own kiddos.

Well, turns out she was in a goofy mood.

First click play on the video and then as you're listening to the song, scroll down and check out the pictures. I was listening to this song as I uploaded and quickly edited these.

My eyes are wet from crying...

I wish I could just freeze time.

Sweet girl, Please. Stop. Growing.

Its just too much fun!!

2011-10-21T21:05:00.003-04:00

I know I have been passionate about many things in my adult years (and probably way before that!) Cloth diapers, car seat safety, and Chalean Extreme are all things that easily come to mind :-)

But this is the first time my passion has turned into extra money for me and my family! My photography business is taking off way faster that I had imagined [runs around the room jumping up and down]. I am completely booked for sessions up into December!

I am still in awe of this. Mostly because I am very critical of my work. Even though I know photography is an art and I can do it however I want to do it, I still wonder if I am "good enough" to be charging "real money" for it. But then I remember that people can choose to use me - or not to use me.

In the meantime I have been having so much fun taking pictures every day. I am also learning more ways to edit and change their look a bit. I am still discovering what I like, what I don't like, and the limits of my equipment - my camera...thats the only "equipment" I have haha! I am also discovering what "equipment" I'd like to invest in as I begin to make money.

First on my agenda is a speedlight - basically a flash. Its way different than the one that is already attached to my camera. I despise using the one that pops up on my camera. It provides unnatural, ultra bright, straight-on blinding light. YUCK!

My super sweet neighbor offered to let me borrow her Nikon speedlight to try out for a few days. It was love at first *flash.* :-)

I took these pictures in low light inside my home - well, and my friend's home. These pictures are not edited lighting-wise in anyway. Check out the awesome soft light!

I think I now need a speed light :-)

My friend's dog

My own little model...

Don't mind her huge bruise. She slipped in the rain last night outside :-(

And then there is the editing fun!! So many ways to play with the same pictures...it goes WAY beyond color vs. black and white. Check out some shots of my littlest model. Naked on our kitchen floor :-)

And my sweet birthday boy...

Also wanted to mention, for what its worth....

I listened to Christmas songs the whole time I was creating this post. I love Christmas. Even in October.

Six Months Old

2011-10-18T20:35:00.005-04:00

My sweet little baby turns 6 months old next week.

I can't believe he's already been here for 6 months.

I mean, he still seems so new. He is still very young. He still isn't eating any solids...only breastmilk - and only from the breast. He is still waking up regularly at night. But he does sleep in his own bed. And he can roll back and forth all over the place. He likes to hold toys. He loves to be held and to wrap his arms around the back of my neck and touch my hair. He LOVES to be worn in a baby carrier. He finally tolerates his infant car seat and rides in relative silence. He loves his paci and any small blanket type "lovey" that he can grab and cling to. He also loves his brother and sister.

The Lord has blessed me greatly with Nathan...my baby boy.

To reminisce, I dug out an older picture my husband took just moments after N was born. Its one of my very favorites!

And then here he was just this afternoon. Making one of his favorite faces :-)

Battles and Dreams

2011-10-12T13:32:00.003-04:00

I have to apologize for my lack of writing lately. Its not that I haven't had things to write about or that I haven't had the time. Its just that I have been pouring myself into other things.

D is turning into more and more of a handful everyday. He is driving me nuts.

Actually, that may even be an understatement.

When I walk in his room late at night to check to make sure he is asleep, I sometimes wonder if I even hugged and kissed him that day. It seems that from the minute he gets out of bed in the morning until the time his eyes finally close at night, all we do is battle. He argues, questions, and disobeys, and I correct and simply try not to lose my cool. Seriously, the battle begins when I tell him to go potty after he strips off his clothes upon waking up. And it ends after he comes out of his room at night for the 50th time. This is just a trying time for us. Its also very good birth control.

C is busy at school all day, but comes home every afternoon cranky and tried. She begins whining on the way home from the bus stop. It is inevitable that she will throw herself on the couch upset about something I did or didn't do within minutes of walking in the door. Eight hours is a long day for a 5 year old 5 days a week. She hasn't adjusted yet. I'm not sure how long its going to take.

And then there is the baby. Who does not sleep.

Well, thats not fair.

He does sleep some...just not much. Every night there is some sort of battle. Last night it was a 2:30am 30 minute scream-fest. There is more to it than me just letting him scream. But thats the gist of it in a nutshell. He just isn't a good sleeper. Or eater for that matter. I think they are related...

And then there is my photography.

Or I could call it my therapy.

Its all I want to do right now. I have had a huge interest in photography since I had my first child and I bought my camera. I have always been one to swoon over beautiful portraits. Occasionally I come across a photographer whose website with pictures flashing up and beautiful music playing nearly brings me to tears.

I have an appreciation for it.

It reaches me at an emotional level like that.

I guess its always been a dream hidden deep within my heart to be able to take beautiful pictures like that.

It feels a bit surreal to actually be jumping in the photography world by starting my own business. I am so very excited and so very scared all at the same time. I am happy with the pictures I am taking, but I can't help but to wish they were even better. I guess there is always room for improvement. I am learning new things every day. I am loving it really.

The Lord has blessed me greatly by placing several wonderful photographer friends in my life who have inspired me, helped me, guided me, and taught me many things. I always want to give credit where credit is due.

If it hadn't been for Katie at Katie Snyder Photography, Callie at Achor and Eden, Sarah at Sarah Spencer Photography and my friend, Elizabeth, I don't think I would be doing this today. These ladies have given me a great example of how to build a business and pursue my dreams. They answer questions and offer encouragement when I doubt myself. I truly thank God for placing the right people in my life over the last 5 years.

If you're still reading, thank you. I have gotten off to rambling I think...I promise, I will create a more exciting blog entry again in the near future.

For now, I will just leave you with a photograph and my new photography blog address...Randilynnphotography.blogspot.com. (Its not fancy yet, but at least it exists now, haha!) Happy Wednesday my friends!

They're Here!

2011-10-09T19:49:00.005-04:00

My parents came up to visit us this past week. We wasted no time packing our schedule full of activities. We ran errands, planned a birthday party, went to the mall, visited the pumpkin farm, watched C cheer, had a birthday party, cleaned, and then shopped some more.

I just wanted to share a couple of my very favorite moments from the last few days...

Thanks for coming Omi and Opa!!

Biking with D

2011-09-30T12:26:00.003-04:00

Now that C is in school ALL THE TIME (insert my own little *pout* right here), D and I are looking for ways to fill our days. Yesterday we went on a bike ride - well I pushed the baby in the stroller - to our neighborhood center and back.

He did amazingly well considering that he isn't even 3 years old yet!

Here is our journey...

We went through a construction zone.

And we went on the walking path along side the street and the woods.

He only crashed once.

But he didn't cry at all!

He got right back on...notice the dirty bottom and shirt :-)

When we got home, Daddy pulled up!!

Kisses for Daddy :-)

And then a bit of modeling for Mommy, haha!

My Recent Favorites!

2011-09-18T21:39:00.003-04:00

I have been taking tons of pictures everyday to practice and improve my photography skills. My kids are sick of looking at me. My husband is probably sick of seeing me at the computer editing, tweaking, and staring at my pictures.

But, I have gotten some that I really like...and I wanted to share...

Lastly, thank you Jill for telling me how to make my pictures big on here. I can't believe it was so easy!

The Next Chapter

2011-09-13T14:29:00.006-04:00

This month turned the page into a new chapter in my life.

I am no longer of mom of "just" little kids. I now have a school-aged child. I couldn't be more proud of my big girl. She is adjusting beautifully to her new full-time, all-day-long, 5 days-a-week school life.

I even bit the bullet and let her ride the bus with her girlfriends.

Everyone asks me if I cried when I sent her off on the first day. The answer actually surprised me because I didn't cry at all. In fact, I was very ready for it. She was ready too...

What I wasn't ready for was my life at home with just my boys - my little. needy. boys.

Don't get me wrong.

My little boys are two of the most precious gifts I've ever been given. But without their big sister around, our whole household dynamic has changed.

Its a bit calmer in the house without D and C bickering. But its also kind of boring since D doesn't have his BFF to play with him.

We've been going to the playground as much as possible to get out of the house. D is making some new friends. I love seeing him build friendships with other little boys. He now has three new friends - all little boys. All their names start with, "L." Its so cute!

MOPS has started back up again. Praise the Lord!!

PWOC has started back up too. I am going to be doing a bible study called "Raising Responsive Children" because well, basically, I need to learn how to "raise responsive children!"

I am very thankful to have a busy schedule each week. It keeps us up and running. It keeps life interesting.

In the meantime, I am building new relationships with more gals (dare I call them "ladies?"). I am loving all my friends - new and old. I feel like God is teaching me and shaping me through them. Teaching me about motherhood, and patience, and preparing my heart for what may or may not be in my future (More children? Homeschool?). He is showing me Himself through these sweet girls in my life. I am blessed beyond belief to have "sisters" so near me even though my true sisters are hundreds of miles away.

I need to wrap this up. Thing One and Thing Two are up early from their naps. Toddler boy is counting rocks next to me on the desk, and baby boy is swinging in the travel swing at my feet. I am finding peace in the words in Laura Story's song, "Blessings" while I juggle the boys' needs.

Have a wonderful day, my bloggity blog world friends!

Lots of Progress

2011-09-12T16:44:00.005-04:00

So, after a few days of playing in photoshop and having a wonderful photographer friend teach me how to use my camera and lens in "manual" mode...

I think I have made some photography progress! Now all I need are some more models to play with and their parents' permission to share their photos online :-)

(And because I am no blogging expert, you will need to click on these photos to see them larger)

The first little cutie isn't mine. But I still adore her and her mama...

My Future Job

2011-09-09T20:56:00.007-04:00

Its been on my mind for a while now...

"How can I make some extra money for our family?"

I have seriously considered selling Mary Kay and becoming a Beachbody Coach. I have thought about going back to work at the new hospital in town. I have even looked up jobs. But the childcare gets me every time. Not only do I not want to have to use it, but we simply cannot afford it.

Then it came to me as I thought seriously about all of this...

Do what you love. Love what you do. Make money while doing it.

*Thats it* - PHOTOGRAPHY!!!

I love pictures more than most. I take a million. I post a million. You can blame my mom for this craziness. She loved pictures and has always taken gobs of them. My sisters and I can turn on a smile faster than she can get the lens cap cover off her camera.

Up until now, my children have been my only little subjects. I must admit though, they are fun to photograph. C has found a love of the camera. D still looks the other way. And little N - well, he just loves me and will smile for me any time I call his name (I am so blessed!).

I don't know how to photograph other people's children yet.

I don't know much about editing.

I don't have the best photography equipment (can you even call my camera and two lenses "equipment" anyway?).

I have no idea how to get started.

All I know is that I love taking pictures. I like my pictures. Other people generally like my pictures. I love to learn. I learn fast. My hubby is a graphic designer. He knows photoshop inside and out. He also knows how to make websites.

I think, with his help, I can do this.

My goal is to take this new venture slowly. I am not going to jump right in blindfolded with my feet tied.

It will be more like...tip toeing very slowly in the cold creek...

If you have any advice on how I can get myself started on this, PLEASE let me know. As with everything I do, I will be researching, reading, and testing in the meantime.

Just today, my lovely husband sat down and gave me a brief photoshop lesson. Check out my first attempt at editing some of my photographs! I am pretty pleased for day no.1's work!

(Feel free to click on any of the images to make them larger)

I will definitely keep you updated on my progress as I develop my skills and figure out what I'm doing :-) Thanks for always being supportive. I have a very good feeling about this.

In fact, its more than a "feeling." Its a Peace.

And on that note, I'm off to read more...

Wrapping the Baby

2011-09-04T22:33:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to share my new way to carry my little man around...

"Another baby carrier?"

Yes, another baby carrier.

I believe its good for me. Its good for my baby. It keeps him happy. It keeps me happy.

Its a WRAP!!

If you're trying to keep count - I'll do it for you...this is No.3.

I love how he is hanging on with his little hand :-)

I don't even feel guilty about having three carriers.

Its the 7 car seats that make me blush.

Opinions Please!

2011-08-30T17:52:00.003-04:00

Okay friends, I need your opinions. If you were here in my house right now, I would call you over to the computer and ask you, "which one do you like the best?"

I want to make one of these pictures into an 11X14 gallery wrapped canvas. I have a free canvas credit on a website, so I only have to pay shipping, Yahoo!!

So...which one do you think would look the best? Please leave your opinion as a comment with either "A, B, or C"

This is "A"

"B"

And Lastly, this is "C"

Worth 1000 Words

2011-08-30T13:01:00.002-04:00

I don't have time to construct a real blog entry today....

I think this picture says more than I can :-)

Littlest Man

2011-08-29T17:22:00.003-04:00

So, my littlest man turned 4 months old last Friday...craziness. Its been such a fast 4 months. I am blessed beyond belief!

Earthquake among other things...

2011-08-25T07:33:00.004-04:00

In case any of you were wondering...

Yes, I felt the earthquake on Tuesday.

Yes, it scared the poo outta me.

Yes, it shook the house and made my heart race unlike anything has in a long time.

No, nothing fell in my house (well, actually I did notice a downed bottle of Downy wrinkle release in my closet).

I am just really glad I don't live out west where this happens more frequently. It was really scary!

The best story of the earthquake for me was that of my friend. She and her 5 year-old daughter were eating lunch at TGI Fridays when the shaking began...Thinking the rumbling was surely a TORNADO that had appeared out of nowhere, she freaked and told her daughter to get under the table. There she sat as the earthquake shook the building - knocking down the light hanging above their table and several of the things on the walls of the restaurant. Her super prepared soldier husband texted her about a minute afterwards declaring that he had just experienced an earthquake. Once she was told by her hubby that it was indeed an earthquake, she promptly crawled out from under the table at Fridays, stood up, and announced to the other diners that her husband was in the Army and he had told her that it was indeed an earthquake. The picture of this sequence of events just makes me (and her) laugh!

(For the record, I also thought it was a tornado at first. I even jumped up and ran to the window looking for the funnel cloud.)

Looking back at the whole situation, I think we all feel a little foolish because it really didn't end up being that big of a deal.

But at the time, it was scary. Really scary. The shaking got harder and harder and for me personally, the fear was "how much harder is this thing gonna shake us?" I had no idea if the roof above my head might give out or if I may begin to hear things crack and shatter. I really hope I never experience anything like that ever again...

I can't even imagine what it must be like for those individuals in communities who have experienced terrifying earthquakes. It must be a living nightmare.

On that note, I need to go now. I need to start preparing for Hurricane Irene - expected to slam us on Sunday.

Where is my husband when I NEED him? AHHHH!

Running Solo

2011-08-21T20:09:00.003-04:00

Wow, has it really been two weeks since I posted a blog entry?

Sorry about that! I have one that is sitting here that is about 80% done, but it just isn't ready to be read yet.

My hubby has been gone for about 10 days and I have just been too overwhelmed to even think about writing. I am barely even checking my email, haha!

I had forgotten how hard it was to function without him. I keep reminding myself that this 3 week stretch without his is way better than any deployment, but still, when I am in the moment, its not really all that helpful. I am still struggling.

I think I have cried just about everyday.

I have lost my temper several times...maybe more than several. :-(

I have tried to ignore the chaos around me.

I have actually let the baby scream for more than a minute or two.

Tonight, I actually didn't tuck my big kids in bed. I just sent them in their rooms and plopped them in their beds. I did that at 6:40pm. I was DONE being a mom for the day.

I hate feeling so overwhelmed with them. They are just being kids.

Not listening, pouring apple juice over pizza, peeing on the floor, running around with a poopy booty needing to be wiped while I am nursing the baby, needing a drink of water after they've gone to bed, running around the house making pillow and blanket piles to jump in, leaving trails of clothes and crumbs everywhere they go....

But to me, its overwhelming when I have both of them and a reflux"y" baby to tend to.

So, please excuse the lack of blog posts.

My Grandma came and visited me last week to help out, but she has now left and I am back to fending for myself again. My mother-in-law comes in 10 days. And then my hubby comes home shortly after that.

Then I want to run away for at least one whole day. With no children.

For now, I will just reminisce at the fun times we had when my Grandma and Grandpa Gene came to visit last week. They were so helpful! Such a huge blessing!

Like brother...or like sister

2011-08-07T21:09:00.004-04:00

Everyone takes one look at my little N and says, "Wow, he looks just like his brother!"

But, when I see him, I can't help but to think he more resembles his sister. I seem to remember those chubby cheeks and dimple-less smile in her as a baby 5 years ago.

So what do you think?

Here is little N -

And here is C at about the same age -

And then here is D...the one everyone thinks he looks exactly like -

Baby Clothes

2011-08-04T21:03:00.005-04:00

To you, this is just a bunch of baby clothes.

To me, its the clothes I can't get rid of.

I tried to pack up everything N has out grown. He is wearing size 6 months clothes now, so all his 0-3 and much of the 3-6 month things need go to make room for bigger things in the drawers.

Many of the things I put on him brought me right back to the days I put them on C and D when they were his tiny size.

So, when I got out a big box and started packing things up, I got stuck when I went to lay these things in there.

A newborn outfit and bibs that my only daughter wore.

The boys' newborn hospital "gowns."

A consignment store outfit all three of my babies wore.

Also in that pile are the outfits my boys wore home from the hospital and gowns I bought when I was pregnant with C 6 years ago...gender neutral because I didn't know she was a girl at the time. All three babies wore them.

The rest of the newborn clothing is now packed away in a box ready to be given to someone else to love.

But these garments, well, they are mine.

Most likely, they will get packed up eventually. Maybe I will put something in a shadow box.

And maybe. Again, just a maybe, they will end up on baby no. 4 one day ;-)

8 Years

2011-08-01T14:41:00.005-04:00

Eight years ago today, I was at our church with my mom and a whole crew setting up for one of the most special days of my whole life - my wedding on August 2, 2003.

I was barely 21 and very much in love with my sweetie. We had no idea where life would take us - just that we'd go at it together...

Today, I am 29 and still very much in love with my sweetie. I am more proud of him today than ever and though I still don't know exactly where life will take us, at least I know who will be along for the ride.

My secret to a happy marriage:

Have a bunch of kids - you will be so busy, you will not have time to think about your marriage. (Just Kidding...well, sort of)

The real advice:

Make sacrifices and keep smiling through the tears. If you both do that, things will work!

Oh, and have children. Nothing makes me happier in my marriage than seeing my dearly beloved be a daddy to the children the Lord gave to us.

Happy Anniversary, Babe!

First this. Then this.

2011-07-29T14:01:00.005-04:00

First, this happened...

A MOUSE ate a hole through D's car seat cover when I had it in the garage for about a week.

I discovered this as I went to reinstall it in the van. So, needless to say, after freaking out about the grossness of a mouse being in my garage - and in D's seat (ewww....) - I realized I'd need to play the "car seat shuffle" once again.

Then this...

I have a total of 6 seats.

Two for each child.

We have 2 vehicles, so this makes sense to me (and its how I justify it to my hubby).

The end results was putting the baby back in the infant bucket seat and rear facing D AGAIN in the baby's new seat - a Radian. This was the easiest of the shuffling since the Radian was already installed. He fits pretty well! And at just 30lbs, he is still WELL within the 45lb rear facing weight limit.

Check out where he puts his legs. He cracks me up :-) Plus, he and C love to see each other and play "footsie" while we drive. Haha!

And just for fun :-)

*Disclaimer*

For those of you who think I am "extreme" for my weirdness about carseat safety, I will mention that the reason I decided to flip D around again is because I read about a family who was involved in a wreck. Their 2 1/2 year old forward facing toddler was killed, but their 8 month old rear-facer was completely unharmed. Of course, I don't know all the details of the wreck, but to me, its not worth the chance. I would never in a million years forgive myself if something unthinkable happened to D when I had the knowledge and the equipment to fully protect him and his precious little neck and head. :-) Just my $.02

Third Baby

2011-07-29T07:40:00.004-04:00

"Is he your first?"

"No, he's my third. I have a 5 year old daughter and 2 1/2 year old son too. "

This is pretty much a standard conversation when people see me walking around with N strapped to my chest in one of my baby carriers. (On the rare occasion when I don't have my other two ducklings following behind me, of course.)

The problem is that I wish I could add more.

"He may be my third, but he is every bit as special as my first and second. He is not simply one more child in my kid clan. He is created by God, loved by me and his dad, and he is just about as perfect as they come."

I think every baby should be celebrated - not because moms and dads need MORE baby products for 2nd, 3rd, and 4th babies, but because each baby is special and unique.

N is different from C and D. He is an easier baby. He is my only exclusively breastfed baby. He likes to fall asleep on my chest. He likes his bouncy seat. He doesn't like the car seat. He smiles a wide mouth smile. He doesn't have much hair. He has a very round head and his thighs have a bit of a roll on them. He weighs 13lbs. He loves baths, his paci, being rocked, sleeping swaddled, and having his hand up by his ear.

He is a gift. A blessing unlike any other. He is my son.

My third baby - but my only N.

The Thumb

2011-07-25T13:44:00.004-04:00

THUMBS

Oh the thumb-sucker’s thumb

May look wrinkled and wet

And withered, and white as the snow,

But the taste of a thumb

Is the sweetest taste yet

(As only we thumb-suckers know).

Shel Silverstein

No Surprise

2011-07-23T12:21:00.007-04:00

I am quite passionate about some things. You should know this by now. In case you live under a rock, those things would be safety, cloth diapers, and my kiddos....oh, and strollers.

There are, of course, things I am not passionate about at all. Like, bikes, insects, and sewing for instance.

I like to classify my passions into two groups...

1. Things that only I care about that don't affect you at all...basically, I could care less if you share these passions or not.

-This would be my love of cloth diapering, obsession with strollers, and well, my own personal children.

2. Things I am passionate about that do affect you and your family. Basically, things I think you should be passionate about too!

-Best example of this is my passion for safety. Mostly car safety and SIDS prevention (something I don't write about often, but still care about very much). These are things that I think every parent should research and and form their own opinions on AFTER doing proper research.)

Today I want to add a new passion to the first list.

Babywearing!

Is it any surprise that by my third child, I have come to realize that I need my hands free? I am not an octopus, so I cannot hold my baby in one hand and make lunch for the older two with the other.

With both the previous children, I would have said, "put the baby down and let him/her fuss while you get done what needs to be done." That was the way I have previously parented.

BUT, with baby no. 3, things are totally different. First of all, he's my baby. THE baby of our family. I want to carry him and tote him around as much as possible. I want him to learn that I am his mommy and that he can always trust me to hold him, rock him, and tend to his needs. When he cries for anyone else in the world, I want to walk in the room and hold him in my arms and have him immediately relax and calm down.

Maybe I am selfish for wanting that. But I don't really care. He's my baby and thats how I am going to do it. If I complain about him being glued to me when he's 2, you can reference this blog entry. I will then shut my mouth.

I have also done much research (surprise surprise!) about the benefits of babywearing in a proper ergonomic carrier. After having a variety of different carriers with C and D, I had no idea that toting a baby around could be SO comfortable! And most importantly, SO good for my baby's and my own emotional well being. I feel good wearing him. And he loves being tucked up close to me.

Here are a few pictures of our baby wearing adventure...

His first time in our Beco Butterly II. He was 4 or 5 days old.

And at 9 days old...at the National Harbor Build a Bear

In a cheap Seven Slings Sling. I wouldn't recommend this sling because N got too big for it VERY quickly (I assume most babies will outgrow this sling quickly. You'd probably have to buy a variety of sizes). If you want mine, let me know. I will send it to you for just the cost of shipping :-)

Getting bigger in the Beco!!!

And in our new Sleeping Baby Productions Ring Sling...ahhh, comfort and LOVE!!

Snoozing on me for a brief morning nap.

Hands Free Nursing! Say WHAT??? Yes, its true!

The sling doubles as a blanket when I slip him out of after he conks out.

Raising the next generation of baby wearers...C and "Purple Baby"

"Put me to bed, mommy..."

N-12 weeks and counting

2011-07-16T20:52:00.004-04:00

My little baby is now 12 weeks old.

He weighs in right at 12lbs 2oz.

He is still the most pleasant and easiest baby I have ever known.

He sleeps though the night.

He eats about 7 times a day.

I am captivated by him and his gentle spirit.

I just wanted to share a few recent pictures of him and his sweetness...some are for you, some are for me. I can't stop looking at him. Or holding him :-)

In his new bouncy seat...a gift from a friend of ours whose daughter didn't like it. It bounces all by itself. Its awesome!

Snuggled up with me in his new baby carrier - a ring sling. I'm still figuring out how to adjust it and wear him in different positions, but he seems to be enjoying just being worn at all.

Babywearing Perfection...

His first case of pink eye. You can't see it too well in this picture, but his left eye got really gunky and turned a light pink. This was a gift from his brother and sister who also had it this week....

Am I the Only One?

2011-07-14T14:46:00.003-04:00

Am I the only one whose couch looks like this 4 days out of the week?

And whose kitchen sink/counter looks like this until well past dinner/bath/bedtime?

Please tell me your house looks like this too...I am really trying not to let it bother me that there is clutter and clean laundry piled up everywhere. And that my kids' toys tend to carry themselves out of the playroom and into my kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, and car.

I really WANT to put that laundry away. But, my hands are tied up. This afternoon it was my littlest that needed some extra rocking before he'd settle down for a nap. After I rocked, bounced, and fed him, he finally pooped a ton and felt much better. He just fell asleep...

Now I don't want to put him down.

Maybe I'll just sit here and stare at this view instead of the laundry and kitchen view.

I like it better anyway :-)

Workout Update!

2011-07-13T20:57:00.003-04:00

So, apparently, its been a month since I began my Chalean Extreme Round 2 - Regain Pre-Pregnancy Body.

I wish I had amazing news to report, but alas, I don't. I haven't been very faithful in my workouts for a variety of reasons (B went out of town and left me alone with the kids...ahh! We had company for a week, etc, etc...) but I have done somewhat better with my eating. Not A LOT better. But somewhat.

In the last month, I have lost 5.2 lbs and 2.5 inches. Fortunately, those inches came from my hips and rear end! Unfortunately, they didn't come from my waist. I am beginning to think I may NEVER fit back in my old jeans.

I do plan to do better with my workouts because I know that history DOES indeed repeat itself. I know that muscle burns fat, so to burn fat, I need to build muscle. Bring on the big weights!

The tricky part is working around the baby's evening schedule. He eats right around the time I put the big kids to bed. Then he is awake and alert while I work out. This often leads to him getting bored staring at me from the bouncy seat. I guess watching me huff and puff while doing slow weight repetitions just must not be that exciting for a baby :-)

But have no fear, I can still do it all (sort of)! As soon as I flip off the workout DVD, I am back in mom-mode. Tonight my arms, chest, and legs were still shaking from the workout when B handed me our fussy baby. Little N immediately settled down in my arms even though I felt like a sweaty pig. He didn't seem to mind. He just wanted his mama to rock him. So sweet.

More updates to come! I hope I have even more success next month!

Happy Birthday Oma!

2011-07-08T13:53:00.005-04:00

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday.

Really, I promise. I REALLY am turning 29!

But today is special too. For the last 29 years, my Oma's birthday has been the day before mine.

So, today when I woke up and realized my birthday is tomorrow, I remembered my Oma's birthday is TODAY!

I figured it would be a perfect day to drive down to Quantico National Cemetary with the kids and take a few moments to remember my Oma (and Opa too!) on what would have been her 75th birthday!

Here are a few pictures from today. I must say, it really touches my heart to see my kids at the cemetery learning about life, death, heaven, funerals, the military, and respect.

I miss you guys...

How Kids Play

2011-07-06T15:46:00.005-04:00

Do your kids sit on their freshly made beds in the middle of the day and read a book or hold a soccer ball?

Mine don't.

C would be coloring in the book...or cutting it up and making something out of it. And D, well, he would throw that ball at C.

This is how kids REALLY play.

D was napping and C was playing all by herself in the playroom. Wearing a Lowe's apron. Disassembling their little couch. Making some sort of odd bridge with every large thing in the room.

Oh, and we have laundry on our couch. Thats real life.

Take that Pottery Barn. Give those poor kids some real toys and let them PLAY!

Goodbye

2011-07-05T14:32:00.006-04:00

Ahhh, Goodbyes...

Don't we all hate them?

I feel like thats all I ever do these days though. Everyone says, "its part of being in the military," but I don't know if that actually helps.

After all, deployments are "just a part of the military," as well, and they still suck big-time!

When we found out that we'd be moving here to the Washington DC area, I was SO excited that we'd be here for at least 4 years. That meant NO goodbyes for 4 glorious years!!

Or so I thought. Foolishly.

Just because I am not going anywhere doesn't mean my friends don't leave. I have been here just shy of a year and have already had to say goodbye to one amazing friend. At the end of the summer, I will say good-bye to three more great friends from church. I have one other friend who may or may not leave in October...

Its horrible. I still think of my Ft. Bragg friends all the time. I wonder what they're doing. Seeing pictures on facebook of their families in their homes doing things just like they did when I was there leaves me sad. I wish I could be there with them.

Sure, the internet is great. I get to see what everyone is up to and see their kids growing bigger and bigger, but it is never the same. Never.

My little C summed it up for D pretty well when his first ever best friend was about to move across the country. I tried to sugar coat it and tell him his friend was "moving to a new house far away...too far for us to go over and play."

C must have gotten frustrated with the way I was saying it because she told her brother, "He is moving away. You will NEVER see him again!"

It makes me tear up to type that because in the bottom of my heart, I know she is right. She hasn't seen her sweet friends from Ft. Bragg since we left a year ago. I can recall crying like a baby when I said goodbye to my friends there as well. As B drove away from my one friend's house, I cried in the passenger seat. C was bawling in the back. My dear friend was on her front porch waving...and crying just as hard as me. It was pretty much just like you would picture it in a movie.

Unless the Lord brings us back together, we may never see them again. (Oddly enough, He actually DID do that for me and one of my friends from Ft. Bragg! She lives about 5 minutes away from me up here near DC - crazy!)

All the moving, and saying goodbye has made every goodbye that much harder. I just hate them.

I couldn't have been prepared for how my sister and I would react when we parted last October when she came to visit. I never thought I'd be SO distraught to say goodbye to her. She and I cried. A lot.

Then again when we left Atlanta last month, more tears between my sister and me. I can't explain it. We live so far apart. Her 3 month old (at the time) will be 10 months old when I see him again. I hate that so much.

Even when my sister-in-law left last week. I was nice and strong as we said goodbye and gave hugs and kisses. My kids and I went outside to wave as they drove off and then as we walked back inside, I was overcome with sadness once again. The tears fell and it was all I could do to hide them from my kids.

I think, with regards to my family, the goodbyes are so hard because we have to go in such huge intervals in seeing each other. I won't see my family again until Christmas. We may even have seen snow here in DC by then. This 92 degree weather makes snow seem REALLY far off. That makes me so sad. It makes me feel so alone.

This has been on my mind a lot lately because of my friends from church leaving so soon. I dread those last hugs.

Here is D with his first-ever best friend on the day we said goodbye.

And C with her Ft. Bragg girlfriends. She still talks about these girls a year after saying goodbye.

Hippie Woman

2011-06-30T14:32:00.007-04:00

Hi!

My name is Randi.

I think I am a hippie...

I am not sure when it hit me, but lately it seems I am doing more "hippie - like" things than not. I don't know how my view of life and/or parenting has shifted quite so much, but I can tell you that I am very much enjoying the way I do things now.

I got really excited today when I washed my cloth diapers and it was sunny enough to hang them outside to dry. They looked lovely on my drying rack in the sun.

I adore diaper changes most of the time. How cute is it to see this soft and squishy diaper on my soft and squishy baby? Plus, I paid for this diaper about 6 months ago...and I can reuse it over and over and over again! I still love that :-)

I don't ever want to put my baby down. I am even typing one handed at the moment because he is sprawled out on my lap and in my other arm. I don't care if I am spoiling him. I can't get enough of my little man. He lives in my baby carrier when we leave the house.

And I can't help but oogle this carrier. How sweet would it be to snuggle my baby all day like this?

And this just looks awesome to me!

I think I'm a bit of a hippie because I used a midwife to deliver my last baby. And I loved it. And her.

Oh, and I breastfeed exclusively. Not necessarily "on demand" but you better believe I will feed my baby when he is hungry. I just also wake him when he hasn't eaten in over 4 hours during the day!

And I haven't shaved my legs in over a week - or two...wait, that may not be because I'm a hippie. I'm just too busy :-)

I would be more of a hippie if I cooked more and didn't love McDonald's iced coffee so much. Also, if I ate more organic foods, learned how to sew, and coslept with my kids.

Maybe one day I will do those things! For now, I will stick to babywearing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, midwife delivering, air drying...oh, and hairy legs :-)

Its a new...

2011-06-28T16:24:00.011-04:00

If you know me at all...

or if you've read more than one of my blog entries....

you know that I love...

CAR SEATS!

So, of course, I want to share my newest one with you. Its for little N. Its one of the very best car seats on the market. It will hold him until he is ready for a big boy booster seat (around 5-6 years old). Its a Sunshine Kids Radian XTSL and I got an AMAZING deal on it last week...I actually SAVED $179. Crazy!

I have been wanting to buy him his own convertible seat (so D could have his seat back in my hubby's car), so when I saw this seat's price marked down big time, I couldn't help but jump at the chance to get it for N.

One of the most exciting things about this seat is its narrow and low profile. It makes it easy for kids to climb in and out of and very easy for me to load and unload them. It also makes it very likely that we can fit three seats across the bench in our Saturn Vue if needed.

It also has WAY more leg room for a rear facing toddler than most other seats have. For instance, D's convertible car seats have about an 8 inch seat depth. This new one is 13 inches deep! Thats 5 more inches of legroom!

Now that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends keeping kids rear facing for a minimum of 2 years, this extra leg room will be very useful!

N already fits in his new seat very nicely. Of course, he does look tiny in it :-)

I wanted to see how my 37 inch 2 1/2 year old fit in it so I could figure out how long it will comfortably last for N.

Here is how D fits in it (he isn't buckled...I was just testing for head height and leg room). He could still EASILY ride in this seat if it was for him! For size reference, he is tall enough to wear a 3T.

Thats all :-) Have a great week! I will be enjoying strapping my littlest sweetie into a seat fit for a king!

Smiles and Cute Faces

2011-06-26T21:34:00.006-04:00

I just wanted to share some adorable pictures I took today of my growing baby. He is almost 9 weeks old.

He is still the happiest and most content baby I have ever known!

Nursing

2011-06-24T14:58:00.005-04:00

Today I nursed while walking up the stairs.

Then I came downstairs, opened a box of Bagel Bites and put them on a baking sheet - all while nursing.

I unlatched and moved N to the side when I stuck them in the oven though. Because I am not an idiot. Or even a risk-taker.

I tell you all of this because I am very proud of myself. I am not a very experienced breast-feeder. While I did nurse both my older two, I didn't do it for very long and it didn't go incredibly well with either of them. Even with N, it didn't start out well (remember the weight gain problems we had?).

That is all in the past! Little N is nursing like a champ now. He has gained over 3 lbs in 5 weeks. He is eating on a nice 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 hour routine right now. We've gotten through the one-hour cluster feedings, severe engorgement (although we still battle this most mornings), leaking milk on the sheets at a hotel, weaning off a nipple shield, supplementing through pumping and syringe/tube feeding, and latching issues.

I am so proud of myself for sticking with this even though it got off to a rocky start. I love that I make enough milk to nourish my growing son. I love when he falls asleep at the breast, "pops" off the nipple, and then rolls over on the Boppy. I love it even more when milk dribbles out of his mouth....as if he fell asleep before he could even swallow. I even love that yellow seedy poop that the freshly digested breastmilk creates. It doesn't stink up his room AT ALL! Its a miracle!

I am still not very good at holding him in the typical "cradle" position that most moms master easily. But we're still learning as we're going. I am just relived that I can now nurse while I am laying in bed - it makes that 6am feeding much better :-)

At 8 weeks old, doesn't he look well-fed and content?

I thought I'd take some pictures while I multitasked this afternoon. I don't normally cover up with a burp cloth - just thought I would for modesty purposes for the pictures I was taking, haha! I know I will cherish these memories when my baby is no longer a nursing baby.

The Anatomy of my Mom-Mobile

2011-06-22T14:25:00.005-04:00

As I loaded the kids up in my van to run to the library, I realized it took me 3 separate trips out the door until everything and everyone was loaded and ready to go. This is what made me decide to do a blog post about my van - my mode of transportation. My second home.

Here it is.

My 2008 Dodge Grand Caravan. Its not fancy in any way. It doesn't have bells and whistles. It doesn't "do" anything cool. But it is functional. Its roomy. And most importantly, it is safe for my family.

My most important cargo in my van is, you guessed it, my kiddos. All three happily strapped into their car seats - which you know I love :-)

I feel it is important to note since I am posting this picture, that I DO NOT like the fit of this car seat for N. It seems so huge and it doesn't seem to cradle him with plushness like I'd like. He hates his infant carrier though. He cries less now that I switched him to D's convertible seat, but he does still cry. I want to get him his own convertible seat that fits little babies better (and I want D's seat back in my husband's car so that he can take him out when he runs errands!), but I don't have the extra $150 at the moment.

In the front seat, I have the library books and the diaper bag.

On the floorboard under N's seat is my baby carrier. This is also where I put him in the carrier and where I change diapers. Also notice the extra outfit for him in case we have a poop-splosion and need a different shirt. Oh, and a toy that D must have dropped.

Next up is the view from the back. It houses the stroller and all other cargo. At the moment, I have our bag full of pool stuff and towels...and oddly, I also have a sled I bought at a yard sale. There is still plenty of room for groceries, and anything else I need to throw in there. The seats next to C are stowed away at the moment. I don't always keep them like this, but we just haven't flipped them back up since our trip to Atlanta.

So, thats the tour of my second home. I love having a van. I don't think I could get from point A to point B without losing my mind if I didn't have a van.

I know PLENTY of people who hate vans and are adamantly against getting one. My advise to those people is to try doing all this with an SUV. It may work for a while, but in time, you too will realize that in parenthood, practicality and function almost always beat out style and "coolness." In fact, both my BFF and my sister both drive drool-worthy minivans...yet they each only have one child. And very young children at that! Haha. Can I make you laugh and tell you that my sister even bought her van before she was even "showing" in her pregnancy.

But, as with everything in parenthood, if driving a gas guzzling SUV works for you and your kids, then go for it :-) I, too, was once against getting a van. My dad was the one who convinced me to go test drive one when C was just 19 months old. It was love at first sight! My hubby now drives our Saturn SUV to work every day. Our whole family doesn't even fit in it anymore...

Underwear

2011-06-18T16:29:00.004-04:00

These may be the cutest underwear ever...

They are from The Children's Place and they fit beautifully. So, if you have a toddler boy who is potty trained/training, I highly recommend these adorable undies! They go down to size xxs which is a 2/3. So adorable!

Round Two

2011-06-13T17:38:00.005-04:00

Today marks the start of Round Two of Chalean Extreme for me.

I am both extremely excited and nervous all at the same time. I am SO READY to get this baby weight off and get back in shape, but I am nervous about how much work I know it is and how I am going to find the time 5 days a week.

I gained about 35lbs during pregnancy and I have only lost about 13-15lbs. Breastfeeding doesn't seem to be doing anything for weight loss as I suspected it would. Fortunately, I know what will take the weight off - diet and exercise!

I started my evening with a Shakeology drink and as soon as I get the kids to bed, I'll kick off my 90 day Chalean Extreme journey!

As if my measurements, body fat, and weight were not enough motivation, I decided to take "before" pics too...I am posting them as motivation and accountability. This will be the last day I will ever look like this.

I will probably do weekly workout updates like I did last year. It helps keep me accountable and keeps me motivated. I need both :-)

These pics of me last June are my motivation too...I can do it!

Best Baby Products (for us)

2011-06-13T13:04:00.003-04:00

Little N is just about 7 weeks old. By now, we're in a decent groove spending our days nursing, diaper changing, rocking, napping, and staring at each other. I thought I'd do a brief post about the baby products that have been the most helpful over these first two months.

1. Hands down, the best baby product this time around has been the Beco Butterfly II baby carrier. N has decided that he hates his infant car seat, so I can't tote him around in it to stores and restaurants like I have done in the past (or as you would see every other mom in the world doing). The baby carrier has been a life saver! He loves it. I love it. If you're having a baby any time soon or have an infant already, I would highly suggest getting one!

2. Gas Drops. That pretty much sums it up. Oh, and I don't buy official Mylicon. I buy Target generic drops. They work wonders for an upset tummy full of gas pressure.

3. Mam Pacifiers - I have always been a fan of using a paci. C loved her Mam paci, but D refused to take one. He ended up finding his thumb and now at 2 1/2 years old, I have yet to be able to get him to quit sucking it. So....I would say the Mam paci is a way better option :-)

4. Huggies Little Snugglers diapers. Yes, I had intended to cloth diaper my newborn. I do still intend on using all my cloth diapers from D's diaper days, but it turns out, disposables are a bit easier for us at this stage of life. N goes through a billion diapers a day. I do enjoy using a handful of cloth diapers here and there, but until he fits in my "All-in-One" style diapers from D (probably in the next month), Huggies Little Snugglers have worked wonderfully! They hold in breast-fed poop and they fit him perfectly.

5. My Camera. Its a Nikon D-50 and I have taken more pictures than I care to admit since N has arrived. I love capturing his every moment. I have gotten so many beautiful pictures. I am just thankful to have such a wonderful camera.

6. Fisher Price Baby Papasan seat - After N falls asleep when I'm holding him, he loves to continue napping in this seat. It doesn't bounce like a bouncy seat, but it vibrates and snuggles him just perfectly. He clearly loves it :-)

7. The Boppy. Up until now, I have used the Boppy for nearly every single nursing session. N is just now getting big enough for me to hold him cradled without a pillow or with just a regular couch pillow. Now I just use the Boppy about half the time. But still, its a huge help to have around!

8. The Woombie. N sleeps so well safely swaddled up in his Woombie. I would recommend this to anyone with a newborn. It swaddles differently than regular swaddling blankets because it allows the baby to move and wiggle. It stretches gently to allow little arms to move and legs to stretch. I believe it helps N sleep longer than he would if he wasn't in it, and I don't have to keep checking on him to see if any part of a typical swaddling blanket has crept up around his face. At 7 weeks old, he already sleeps for 7 hours at night. I think thats pretty good for a 10 pounder! I will be buying the next size up in the next few days. He is about to outgrow the "newborn" size...

I am so thankful for these AWESOME products! I will probably do another one of these posts as N gets a little bigger and our needs change :-)

Dear Baby

2011-06-08T21:09:00.005-04:00

Sweet Baby Boy,

You turned 6 weeks old yesterday. When I look at you, I can't believe you've only been here for 6 weeks because it seems like you've always been here. Maybe its just that you've always been a part of my heart. I knew I wanted you long before you began to grow in my belly.

Your sweet face has a way of instantly brightening my mood no matter what the day has thrown my way. You are such an amazing little baby. You just started to smile 2 days ago and each time I see those corners of your mouth began to turn upwards, I react like a child whose just been given a prize. I get giddy and eager for more!

You are nursing well, sleeping well, pooping well, and only crying when you have some sort of need. I find joy in meeting those needs these days. Most days, you are easily settled. I love to hold you and rock you. I love to wear you in the baby carrier as much as you love to be worn. That thing is pretty magical for both of us. You snuggle in to my chest and I can't seem to keep from kissing the top of your head and rubbing your back. You have a way of melting me each time you look up at me with your chin resting on your little hands. I love the way it feels when you get sleepy. Your little body softens and I feel your head gently lay down. Then I can feel your breath on my skin. It is a beautiful mommy-baby moment every time!

Your sister adores you more than I can say - more than you'll ever remember. She sings to you, kisses you, sits by you, and holds your tiny hands. She can't seem to stay away from you. Its as if there is some sort of magnetic force that draws her right to you all day long. She is the best big sister in the whole world! I know you must love her and all her attention. I hope that never changes.

Your big brother loves you as best as he knows how. For him, that means he kisses you a million times a day. He loves to talk sweetly to you and bounce you in the bouncy seat. Sometimes he can get a little rough and careless so I still have to hold him back from you a lot, but I know as you and he both get older, that will change. I think you two will grow up to be best buddies.

I am going to wrap this up for now. Your Daddy has you upstairs at the moment. He is doing some school work on the computer and holding you all at the same time. He can't get enough of you. Nobody can.

I love you more than you will ever know. You complete our family in a way better than I could ever have imagined. I'm going to go run upstairs and stare at you with Daddy now. I love you!

Love Forever,
Mommy

Atlanta Trip Memories

2011-05-31T17:35:00.009-04:00

We arrived in Atlanta to visit our family just a mere three days ago, but we've already had enough fun to make a ton of unforgettable memories. The kids are livin' it up at Omi's house. They've baked, swam, built forts, swung on swings, skinned up toes, banged up chins, eaten popsicles and swam naked. Even the baby is having fun! He has been held by numerous sets of arms and has slept in Omi and Opa's heirloom cradle.

I couldn't help but to share a few pictures mid-trip. Enjoy :-)

Gaining, gaining, gaining

2011-05-27T20:11:00.006-04:00

My little N is finally on a roll.

He is gaining weight like he is supposed to.

Breastfeeding is going well.

I couldn't be any happier!

Yesterday N turned a month old. Has it really been a full month? It all seems like a bit of a blur. We've been to the ER twice (once for me and once for the little guy) and to the hospital several times for weight checks.

With this being my third baby, I thought I'd have this labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and diaper changing thing all down pat.

But it seems that I still have things to learn.

Our biggest challenge has definitely been N's eating and gaining weight. He was born at 8lbs 2 oz. At first he only lost a couple ounces, but by his 2 week check up, he was still 6 oz under his birthweight. I was devastated. I didn't want to supplement with formula, but I knew that is what the pediatrician would tell me I needed to do. Fortunately, she gave me a plan to make him eat more. Basically, I needed to feed him every 2 hours during the day and at least every 4 hours at night. I was going to have to wake him even more than I already was for more feedings.

I did this plan as best as possible and then went in for a recheck the following week. I was just sure he would have gained weight.

But...he hadn't gained a single ounce!!!

This time I broke down in tears in the pediatricians office. I KNEW she'd make me supplement. I felt like a horrible mommy. I felt so sad that my little 8lb 2oz baby was still well under 8lbs. at 3 weeks old. He was still so tiny and newborn looking.

I pretty much begged the doctor to let me go upstairs and meet with the lactation consultant before making me use formula.

Let me back up. I am not against formula. Both my previous babies were mostly formula fed. It was (still is) just my very strong desire to breastfeed this baby long term. I knew I needed to establish my milk supply. I knew I needed to continue to improve latching and bottle feeding just wasn't going to help. Plus, formula is expensive. I didn't want to go down that road AT ALL.

Okay, back on track. I guess my tears worked because the doctor agreed to let me see the lactation consultant. She actually told me I didn't even need a follow up appointment the following week. She left me in the lactation consultant's hands...I called her before I left the doctor's office and left a rather frantic message.

By the time I got home, the lactation consultant returned my call. Of course I burst into tears when telling her that my now 3-week-old was still so far under his birth weight. She had me turn right back around and come see her.

I love lactation consultants.

She put me on a very strict plan of feeding, pumping, and supplementing with the pumped milk. She taught me how to use a syringe and a tube that ran along my body and down to the breast and right into N's mouth so I could avoid bottle feeding. She also told me it seemed that N had a "poor suck." He just wasn't an effective sucker. I could only pray that he would eventually learn how to suck better. I came home armed with a hospital grade breast pump (rented for FREE - Thank you Tricare!!) and a renewed sense of hope.

After several days of pumping, feeding, and recording every last thing I did, I returned for a weight check. I was so nervous. What if he hadn't gained weight? What if none of this was working?

8lbs 2oz! Yay! He had gained 6oz in 4 days!

I was so incredibly happy. But I still thought it was a fluke. The lactation consultant instructed me to come back again in 3 more days.

8lbs 6oz!! I could officially stop pumping and supplementing...

And just to make sure everything was still going well, I returned today (4 days later).

8lbs 13oz!!! Praise the Lord!

I finally feel that breastfeeding is going well. My little guy is latching well. He is draining my breasts when he eats. He is more alert. He is more content. He is peeing and pooping regularly. Most importantly, he is gaining weight. I can't even express how relieved I am about this whole issue.

I wanted to breastfeed so badly. I am absolutely thrilled that it seems like I am actually going to be successful!

I even returned the breast pump today :-)

(Don't worry, I have one of my own. Its just not as amazing as the hospital grade one, haha)

Check out how big my precious baby is getting...okay maybe "big" exactly the best word. He's still pretty little!

A Family Recap

2011-05-25T15:39:00.007-04:00

There has been too much going on in my house over the last couple weeks to give a full recap, so I'll be brief.

The baby wasn't gaining weight. In fact, by the time he was 3 weeks old, he was still 6 oz under his birthweight. This is not a good thing...and the pediatrician wasn't pleased.

I had to pump and supplement and wake him for just about every feeding to begin to fatten him up a bit. Thankfully, he did begin to gain weight and now at 4 weeks old, he is slightly over 8lbs once again. I anticipate that he will get chubby quickly now that breastfeeding seems to be going much better :-)

My mom has finally come in town to help us. I couldn't have been more excited to see her at the airport!!!

We've done a lot of playing out in the back yard since the weather has been so nice.

My husband went back to work last week. On my first day alone with the kids, I got a flat tire. Seriously, a flat tire. He had to come home early to get it fixed.

Then yesterday, my van wouldn't start. We had to have it towed out of my driveway this morning. Seriously.

Since we were stuck at home today, we wandered down to the playground to let the kids play. Then, we came home and let the kids jump in the sprinkler. They had a blast!

It wore them out :-)

And then we gave the baby a bath. Fortunately, I had a lot of helpers.

Oh, and C has been playing soccer three days a week. Which is A LOT of soccer for a 5 year old!

A Few Firsts

2011-05-08T14:07:00.005-04:00

Being that N is only 12 days old as I write this, most things that he experiences are still his "firsts." I thought I'd share a few of the big ones with you :-)

He has had his first bath...a sponge bath.

He has worn his first cloth diaper...a prefold with a newborn cover.

He has gone on his first walk to the playground in the new stroller.

He has been toted around in our new baby carrier for the first time.

This was technically the second time he was in the carrier, but I liked this picture more since I actually had on makeup and real clothes!

Yes, this is why babywearing is awesome...so snuggly!

He has spent his first Mother's Day with our family.

He has even slept through the night for the first time - he slept for a full 7 hours!! I'm not sure if its okay for him to be doing this...we'll find out Tuesday at his 2-week doctor's appointment!

I know this list of "firsts" will only continue to grow longer and longer as the days and weeks pass. I have already had a bit of a cry because as all these "firsts" pass for N, I am experiencing many "lasts." Being that N is pretty definitely our last baby, each thing he experiences for the first time and each milestone he reaches will be the "last first time" for me as a mom. That may seem dumb to many of you, but really, I am having a hard time with it.

I am adamant to make breastfeeding work long term because this is the last shot I'll have at it.

I am already carrying N around WAY more than I carried the other two. I even tried to start typing this entry with him swaddled and in my left arm...it just didn't work, so he is now snoozing in the bouncy seat.

You get the idea though...he has "firsts" and I have "lasts."

Motherhood is hard. Watching my kids get older is even harder. I don't want these children to grow up. Can't I just freeze time for a little while?

The Birth Story

2011-05-03T14:56:00.008-04:00

N's birth story is a bit of a whirlwind which is why I really want to get it written down and recorded. I don't want to forget it...not that I think I ever could or would, but you know, just in case :-)

I had a midwifery appointment last Tuesday, April 26th at 10:40am. I dropped C off at school and then dropped D off at a friend's house to play while I headed to the appointment. At this point I was already 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. My husband's family was coming in town to help us with the baby in 3 days. I was extremely uncomfortable doing my normal daily activities. Overall, I was ready to get the baby out.

At my appointment, I was already 4cm dilated and 75% effaced. I had the midwife "strip my membranes." She assured me it wouldn't guarantee that I went into labor within the next 48 hours, but because my cervix was so "favorable," it was likely that it would happen.

When I stood up and hopped off the table, I felt a tiny gush of fluid. She assured me it was probably just the gel she used during the exam. She said the membrane stripping wouldn't cause my water to break...it would cause contractions if anything at all.

As I walked downstairs and out the hospital door (the midwifery office is in the hospital), I began to have a contraction. I had been having contractions for the past 2 days, but they weren't extremely painful and they certainly were not regular. This particular contraction hurt more than any other one had hurt.

As I ran to pick up D, spun through the McDonalds drive thru, and then headed home (around 11:40am), I had a handful more contractions. When I got home and began to eat, I quickly texted my husband to let him know I was having contractions. I began to time them...10 minutes apart.

Though 10 minutes apart isn't very frequent, I knew I was already 4 cm and 75% effaced. I called Labor and Delivery and asked them if I should come in. They said I probably should come in and get monitored - especially since I had just had my membranes stripped. I texted my husband and told him he needed to come home. As I was doing all of this, the contractions were seeming to get more painful. I started to get a bit concerned. I called our pastor's wife (who would be watching our kids while we were in the hospital) and told her that today was looking like it may be the day. She said she would feed her kids lunch and be over asap.

I quickly threw D in the car and headed back on-post to pick up C from Pre-K - an hour before school was out. She resisted leaving, but her teachers quickly helped me usher her out the door when I told them I was having contractions. It was now 12:30ish.

When we got home, I tried to get D down for a nap. I quickly gathered together some toiletry items for myself and made the beds before our sitter came over. I wiped down the kitchen table and straightened up. D was refusing to nap, so I was fighting with him to try and make him lay down.

I texted B and asked him if he was almost home. He was in the neighborhood. I hung up the phone and....GUSH. My water broke.

Today was now officially THE day!

B walked in the door. I told him what had happened. He quickly changed out of his ACUs (Army uniform) as I changed my clothes from my water breaking.

I gave up on D taking a nap. I let him get up.

Our pastor's wife arrived. I ran through the house with her and gave instructions for how to care for the kids and the dog while we were gone.

We finally left the house around 1:45 to head to the hospital. When we arrived, I was examined by the midwife where it was confirmed that my water had indeed broken and I was now 5cm dilated and 90% effaced.

I got into the labor/delivery/recovery room at 2:30pm. I knew I didn't want an epidural right away since I REALLY wanted to be able to move around and get out of bed. As the nurse took all my medical history and the anesthesiologist started my IV, the contractions got more frequent and gradually more painful. I complained about having an IV because I didn't want any fluids until the one bag I got immediately before I received an epidural. The nurse said she wanted to give me the one bag of fluids now so that I could have the epidural as soon as I wanted it. She said things could move fast, and she wanted to fluids to already be in me.

They then unhooked me from the IV and all the monitors to let me get up and walk around. I stood up and had a contraction. I was paralyzed in pain. I then walked to the bathroom to use it one more time. I had another contraction and was once again paralyzed in pain. I walked back to the bed. Had a contraction. Paralyzed in pain once more....I am not sure why I am smiling in this picture.

I hopped back in the bed and got re-hooked up. I didn't want the epidural yet, but the contractions were now 3 minutes apart and they were so bad that I began to cry each time I had one. It was at this point that I decided I needed the epidural now - before they got any worse and I wouldn't be able to sit still for the anesthesiologist to administer the medicine. It was now shortly after 3pm.

After I received the epidural, I felt a million times better. I was able to rest a bit. My husband was able to eat a quick dinner. I got my cervix checked - 7cm!

Soon, however, I felt the contractions once again. They were getting bad quickly. The anesthesiologist came back in and re-administered more medication. I then immediately began feeling the pressure to push. The midwife came in and check me...I was complete!

Ready to push at 5:25pm :-)

This is the turning point in my labor. Up until now, everything was rather under control and fairly easy. Pushing just didn't go as well.

I pushed for about 30-40 minutes and just didn't seem to be making very fast progress. I was tiring out very quickly. My pushes were weak. I knew I wasn't pushing well. I asked the midwife if I could take a break and let my body contract and push the baby down on its own. She thought it was a great idea and she stepped out of the room. I "rested" for about 30 minutes and let the baby work his way down. I felt pressure with each contraction but I didn't give any extra pushing strength.

The epidural started to wear off again. I was told I had a button I could push every 8 minutes for extra medicine. I pushed it a couple times in the 30 minutes. By the time I was ready to push again, the contractions were once again getting pretty painful.

I started to push again around 6:35ish. The baby had moved down quite a but but still had a ways to go. It was looking like he had a big head. It also turned out that I wasn't going to be delivered by my midwife, but rather by a young female Family Practice resident making rounds in labor and delivery. My midwife was present, of course, as was my nurse and a nurse for the baby.

Turns out that I wasn't really any more rested. I still didn't feel like I was pushing well. I no longer was bothered by feeling the contractions, but quickly became extremely bothered by the pain down in my bottom. The baby's head was pretty much stuck at the "crowning point" of labor. He was so far out that you could see lots of his nearly bald head. They even got me a mirror so I could see. They also encouraged me to feel his head. Both were awesome experiences!

Too bad I was now in TERRIBLE pain. I couldn't put my legs down between contractions and pushing spurts. His head was literally "in the way." I felt no relief when I was pushing, I felt no relief in between pushing.

I begged for more medicine. Anything. A local anesthetic. I pushed the epidural button again. I was desperate. I was crying...and begging for some sort of help.

They kept telling me he had a big head! I kept thinking, "Hello! I can feel that!! I can't push him out!"

I am pretty sure he sat there at that point for probably 20-25 minutes before I finally got "mad enough" to push through the unbearable pain and get him out. Feeling his body slip free of mine was the best feeling I could have ever felt at that moment.

There was a slight moment of concern when his shoulders got a bit stuck and my midwife jumped up and she and the nurse hoisted my legs back further. It was then that the baby's nurse told me she'd be taking him to the warmer rather that putting him on my chest.

Then he let out a wail! The time was now 7:39pm.

On my chest he went....

Turns out the cord was wrapped tightly around his neck and his color wasn't good which is why the nurse was going to have to take him, but as soon as he let out a cry, he perked right up. His color improved and on my chest he went.

And on my chest he stayed - for about 45 minutes! It was so special. He felt incredible.

He was eventually taken to the warmer to be weighed and measured. 8lbs 2 oz and yes, his head measured pretty big.

I was able to nurse him for the first time within an hour of delivery.

B and I were in awe that our new son was finally here! Our family was now complete. Thank you, Lord for this blessing. A blessing better than we could have ever imagined.

Welcome to the world, little Nathan Jeremiah...

The Baby is Here!

2011-05-03T10:36:00.006-04:00

Its been a little over a week since I've blogged, and if you can put two and two together, you probably guessed that its because our little baby has arrived!

He was born on April 26 at 7:39pm (last Tuesday) after a relatively quick and pretty intense labor and delivery. I will be writing his "Birth Story" within a few days both for you to read and for me to record and remember it.

For now, I wanted to share a few pictures of my beautiful 8lb 2oz, 20 inch baby Nathan...

He is Risen!

2011-04-24T13:29:00.001-04:00

He is Risen!

Easter is one of the very best days of the whole year. I love that there is so much focus on Jesus and everything that He has done for us. It always makes me remember how sinful I am and how much he paid for me. His death on the cross was absolutely horrific and to think that He suffered and died so that I may have life everlasting is absolutely amazing. His resurrection three days later sealed the deal. It solidified the Gospel as the Truth.

I just LOVE to celebrate Easter! This song, In Christ Alone, has become one of my very favorite songs to listen to and to sing. There is so much truth in the words! Last year, B and I even had the opportunity to see this couple perform it live. Talk about an amazing worship experience!!

Praise God! May you have a blessed Easter as you celebrate the Savior with me!

Easter Pics!

2011-04-24T13:15:00.006-04:00

I wanted to share a few of the pictures we took this morning as our "2011 Easter Pictures."

B hasn't been home for an Easter with our kids since Easter 2008 (and D was still in my belly that year, haha), so this was especially special for us. It is also special since it is our last pictures where I am still pregnant and we are still a family of four.

Although I obviously cannot pinpoint the exact day the baby will be born, I know it will be soon...today, I am 39 weeks and 1 day. I delivered both the other children at 39 weeks and 1 day, haha. So, I hope this one won't be "cooking" too much longer :-)

As we wait...

2011-04-20T12:53:00.006-04:00

I am 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I am 3 cm dilated and I had my membranes stripped yesterday. (If you don't know what that means, just disregard it or google it if you're interested)

Our family is simply waiting on this baby to arrive. I have contractions just about every time I stand up and walk around but they quickly subside when I sit down and rest.

The kids and I ran to Kohls this morning so C could spend some of her birthday money from her great-grandmother. I thought we better go and get her some Spring/Summer clothes that actually fit before I am either too big and uncomfortable to feel like walking around anymore or until I have a newborn and am not really able to go out and wander around Kohls anymore with 3 (yikes!) kiddos.

Then we came home, ate a quick lunch, and headed out back to play.

I keep sticking my camera in my hospital bag, but then life happens and I run and retrieve it once again. I don't want to miss a thing. I don't want to forget these moments with my children. I feel the need to document not only the "big" moments in life, but the everyday moments as well.

It makes me feel as though I can make time stand still.

I want to "freeze frame" so much of what I get to experience with my children. This is why I love being a stay-at-home-mom. I have a million of these moments in any given week :-)

So, here is what we were up to...

One of my wonderful Bunco friends gave D this Cars tricycle. The kids are having a ball playing with it!

This is David "painting" his toenails with chalk from the ground. And yes, he is wearing a pink shirt. He requested a pink shirt. And he likes his nails to look pretty like mine and C's. To me, it all makes sense. He is with us all day every day. Its only seems natural that he would want to be like us cool girls :-) But....getting a brother probably isn't a bad thing, haha.

And of course, I can never resist photographing my kids just being kids. They are so photogenic. Its probably because they have been in front of my camera lens since the day they were born.

And lastly, here is the only way I could take a self portrait of my gigantic belly.

And then of my new awesome highlights in my hair.

Between my painted toes and fresh hair color, I feel like a totally new woman!

Now back to waiting....

The Buzz

2011-04-18T21:19:00.005-04:00

I feel like today my little 2 1/2 year old D reached some sort of milestone in his life.

Not his first word.

Or his first steps.

Or even his first day of preschool.

No, my hubby decided to buzz his hair for the first time.

We've had to have D's hair cut several times over the past year and at about $16 a pop at the kids' hair-cut place, it was adding up to be kind of ridiculous - even if we only went every couple of months. Between D's sporadic haircuts and my husband's bi-monthly cuts, the men in my family were getting considerably more "beautification" than the gals.

So today, B suggested that he cut D's hair with the clippers.

My first though, was "NO! Not my baby's fine soft hair!"

But B promised he wouldn't cut it super short - he said he'd just "clean up the sides."

Of course, once he did the sides, though, blending it with the longer top became challenging. He suggested he buzz the whole thing....I KNEW this would happen!

I made him select a very high numbered guard and hid behind my camera. Seeing my baby's hair fall to the ground from behind the view finder was much easier than watching it fall up close.

In all honesty, my husband did a great job. D's hair looks very nice and there is still plenty of hair for me to run my fingers through as I rock him and sing to him (yes, I do that every day - actually, twice a day)

I am assuming this is going to be our new way of maintaining our son's hair. Only a cowlick in the front makes this "style" a little unruly, but overall, I think he looks adorable.

However, my hubby better not take the clippers anywhere near the new baby for the first 2 1/2 years of his life...

Pedicure Pampering

2011-04-16T20:29:00.003-04:00

So, after MUCH delay, I finally went today and got a pedicure.

Its been over a year since I've had one.

After I paid the bill ($$$$), I remembered why its been over a year.

Thankfully, my wonderful youngest sister decided to treat me to this pampering (or at least to a decent portion of this Washington DC priced pedicure) rather than get me a gift for the new baby. I thought it was a GREAT idea! I have been feeling "blah" and uncomfortable for weeks now, and a nice long pedicure made me feel much better.

Plus, it removed a ton of dead skin and left my toes with a gorgeous shade of bright pink!

Are you wondering whose little feet those are next to mine?

Those would be my birthday girl's feet. Her Aunt decided that if she was treating me to a pedicure as a "baby gift" then she could treat C to one as a birthday present too. It was her first pedicure and I know I'll never forget how quiet and still she sat while the gentleman worked on her tiny feet and painted that deep red and those little flowers on her toes.

I am very thankful for the special afternoon I had with my only daughter. It made yet another cool and rainy day seem special and bright to both of us.

At 38 weeks pregnant, I know that our family life is about to be changed forever and this brief session of pampering with the girl who first made me a mom was just what she and I both needed :-)

Thanks, Aunt Tracy!

And of course,

Thank You, Lord for the memories we made.

A Rough Day

2011-04-13T20:00:00.006-04:00

Today has been a rough day.

The weather here has been less than ideal. We get one day of beautiful sunshine for every 4 days of cloudy, cold, drizzly rain. I am ready to see the sun more often than not. I am ready to FEEL the sun on my face when I step outside. Today was one of the cool, cloudy, drizzly days.

However, the weather wasn't the only contributing factor to my rough day.

I feel so unattractive at this point. I know that being 37 1/2 weeks pregnant and 32 pounds over my normal weight is very much part of the reason, but there is more to it.

When I look in the mirror, I can't help but to focus in on the dark roots in my hair. My awesome highlights have just grown out so quickly - most likely from the prenatal vitamins making my hair grow at an abnormally fast pace. I want so badly to go get them touched up so I can feel confident and good when I look in the mirror. I just don't see it happening anytime soon. Maybe I can avoid mirrors until then.

Then there is my leg. My poor right calf that looks just pitiful. It looks like someone took a baseball bat to it. But alas, its just a pregnancy symptom. A big varicose vein and a ton of spider veins. Each time I see my bare calf, I cringe. It isn't until I look at my left calf do I remember how clear and "perfect" the skin used to look. I sure hope it goes down after I give birth. I can't imagine a whole summer in shorts, capris, and skirts with my leg looking like this...

Oh, and last night I saw that my ankles and calves were retaining fluid. Awesome. Nothing makes a preggo woman feel better than swollen ankles.

To top off my "blah"ness, B got word that he'll be back on the road traveling again very soon after the birth of the baby. Not just for a day or two, but possibly for a couple weeks. I am trying NOT to stress about this yet, but at the same time, I did have a meltdown at the thought of being home alone with my 2 older kids and the tiny 2-3 weeks old for a couple weeks. My mom is supposed to come help me at the end of May for a week or so and then she and I will drive back home to Atlanta with the kids to visit all our family down there. But, there will possibly be a good solid week before she can arrive where I'll be on my own.

Nothing is 100% set in stone, so its not incredibly worth worrying over, but I can't help but to wish I was closer to family. Or that my family was closer to me.

My biggest prayer right now is that the baby stays put in my belly until my due date or VERY close to it. B's mom and sister will be in town at that time to help for a week and it would be wonderful to have them available to watch the kids while I'm in the hospital delivering the baby and recovering from his birth. We have wonderful friends that have offered to help out as much as possible, so I know they won't go uncared for, but still, I hope it works out so their Nana and Aunt can watch them instead.

Between feeling like a big ugly pregnant woman and hearing the news that I will be left alone to care for the kids for days on end, I decided at 3:15pm that I should take a shower and try and get myself cleaned up. D had just refused his nap, so I didn't get to really rest on the couch like I normally do. He and I were both cranky. I thought a quick hot shower might make me feel better.

While the water felt good, again, I was grossed out at the sight of my leg when I tried to shave my legs - which is quite a challenging task with a huge belly in the way! Then I was reminded at how gross my toe nails look. I need a pedicure more than the crops need rain. They have old purple nail polish on them that is chipped in a hundred different places. I am out of nail polish remover, but even if I wasn't out, I don't think I could reach my toes long enough to remove the polish and much less, to paint them a fresh new color. I need a pedicure. Bad.

Then when I tried to blow dry my "rooty" hair into its normal style, I learned that my blow dryer has just about kicked the bucket. Its been on the fritz for a while now, but today I had to blow dry my whole head on the lowest setting. It took forever...and it didn't really do much for my hair style.

Today was just one of those days when I felt the need to escape. I need to escape from my house. I feel horrible about how I look. I feel sad that B will be traveling so soon after the baby is born. I feel bummed that I'm not near my family for support.

I am trying very hard to remember that many other military wives go through things like this. Many go through much worse. B isn't deployed and I am SO thankful for that. He is going to be here for the baby's birth. Many moms I know can't say that for their baby's births. Many daddy's leave right after baby is born. B isn't really "leaving." He's just traveling. There is a very distinct difference. I am trying to count my blessings because I know they are plentiful.

But the human side of me wants to scream. I want my mom. Or my mother-in-law. I want them down the street to come and help me when I call crying at 3am because I'm exhausted. I want one of my sisters or sisters-in-law to be able to come and pick up my kids and take them to their house for slumber parties while I am in the hospital so I wouldn't have to worry about them the whole time. I want B to be able to stay at the hospital with me while I'm there rather than have to come home and stay with the kids. I don't want to have to be alone overnight with the baby in the hospital. I want him there with me.

I am trying to get over all that because there is nothing I can do to change it. It doesn't make me want to cry any less though. It didn't make today any less rough. I cried a couple times. I tried to talk myself out of crying. But in the end, my hormonal and emotional self won over.

At least the sun came out by the end of the day. And my husband did eventually come home from work. And the kids eventually went to bed. And now the house is quiet.

I am going to go hop in the tub and take a hot bath. I will try not to look at my ugly toenails, swollen ankles, or purple puffy calf...

If I did, that may start the whole "rough day" cycle over again.

Party and Prep

2011-04-12T20:54:00.008-04:00

Has it really been over a week since I've blogged? The date on my last entry says it was April 4th...thats over a week, so yep, I guess so!

Sorry about that. You may have thought that I had gone off and had the baby and had a REAL reason to be busy. But no, the baby is still safe and sound in my belly for now - although I am 2 cm dilated and the baby is head-down and as active as ever!

I have been very busy this week though. Every spare moment I have is spent either preparing for the baby in some way or resting/napping (if I'm being honest). I have been packing my bag for the hospital, packing the baby's diaper bag, packing my kids' bag to have here at home so nobody has to go searching through their drawers for clean clothes while I'm away. I have been vacuuming and putting away clothes left and right. I've cleaned out the car several times and I just remembered tonight that I need to bathe the dog and change my sheets...seriously, this is how my mind works. It just jumps from one "needs-to-be-done-task" to the next without any kind of rhyme or reason.

Last night I realized I couldn't find my slippers to take to the hospital. I got all nervous that I may go into labor and not have anything to walk around in so I quickly ran out to Target to get some. At 9pm, I learned that April is not a good time of the year to be slipper shopping. I had about three options. These ugly things are what I went home with because they fit the best and they were the most comfortable. I am ignoring the fact that they match nothing and that they are pretty funny looking...

On a different note, my husband did finally make his way back home last Thursday. I am so thankful to have him home again. He is such a huge help with the kids and around the house. Plus, I always enjoy his company - even when he is just sitting on his laptop writing a paper for one of his online classes (like he is at the moment).

B made it home just in time to get everything prepared for C's 5th birthday party at our house over the weekend. I was stressed about getting the house clean and making sure I had everything I needed to make the cupcakes, ice cream sundaes, and the two crafts that we had planned. Oh, and of course, the balloons to decorate. We were throwing a Strawberry Shortcake "craft" party and had about 10 little friends coming over.

As I stayed busy on Friday getting things done for the party, I planned on cleaning everything Saturday morning. I figured there wouldn't be too much use in cleaning while my kids were still running around playing and "living" in the house.

But, as does sometimes happen, the Lord tossed us a bit of a curve ball Saturday morning when my friend down the street went into labor with her third baby. I was her designated care-taker for her older two children, ages 2 1/2 and 5. Bless her heart, she knew Saturday was C's party so she wanted to make SURE it was real labor before calling to ask if she could bring the kids over. When she finally went to the hospital, she was already 7cm dilated, haha. I love how we women are sometimes!! She even made her kids pancakes before heading out the door to go deliver baby no.3!

Needless to say, having two extra kiddos hanging out with us as we finished cleaning and decorating did make he day slightly more hectic, but overall, everything still went perfectly! D napped, the kids ate lunch, and we ended up with a WONDERFUL little party. C had a blast and I think the other children enjoyed themselves as well.

Oh, and my friend did have the baby - a beautiful little girl!

Here are a few pictures from the party :-) I can't believe C is getting SO big. I couldn't be more proud of my sweet daughter. She is one of the Lord's finest creations and I truly delight in watching her grow up. She continues to amaze me with her generosity, kindness, strength, and love on a daily basis.

The Arrival of the Baby Products :-)

2011-04-04T20:58:00.005-04:00

Look what came in the mail over the last few days...

Its a couple of the items I had mentioned that I really wanted to try for the new baby. I am always amazed at how God provides for me and my family. He is so faithful to His children.

After I wrote this blog entry, within about 24 hours, all the products were spoken for from my family members and friends. My sister chose a baby gift from the blog, my expectant mommy-friend made me one, my mom chose a gift, and my hubby took the last one...and an additional one not listed on that list.

I still have one item en-route to me from my hubby - the stroller! I am so very excited to use my Baby Jogger City Mini. I can't wait to try it out with D. He is the perfect test subject for all the baby products out there. He climbed in the baby carrier without hesitation and then proceeded to call himself a "pack-pack." (Otherwise known as a backpack)

I love the carrier AND the beautiful diaper bag from Lands End. Please ignore that the monogram is backwards...I couldn't figure out how to flip the picture around on my computer. My brain is fried and I am too tired to care :-)

Birthing Excitement

2011-03-30T20:37:00.004-04:00

Although my previous post was mostly about how I am NOT ready to have this baby quite yet, I must follow it up with a post about why I am very excited about the actual birth of my little man.

Although I am delivering at a military hospital and have received all of my medical care through the military providers, I had the option of going with the midwives rather than the OBs. Both my previous births have been with private practice OBs and my births, although both vaginal deliveries, were in private hospitals with those OBs.

I truly didn't have any real complaints about my previous births at either hospital or with either physician. I did not ask many questions. I just did what was "routine" for the hospital and providers.

With this pregnancy, I was intrigued by delivering with a midwife because it was different from what I had done in the past. I was induced at 39 weeks with both C and D for different reasons. Neither delivery was complicated or problematic, but I would describe both as "very medical." I knew I didn't want to be induced with this one. I WANT my body and this baby to decide when the time is right.

In my previous births, I walked in and was immediately hooked up to an IV. I stayed in the bed virtually the entire time. I received an epidural when the contractions became decently uncomfortable (I received it earlier with my second birth than with my first because with my first, I waited slightly TOO long to request it and quickly became very miserable). When I eventually reached 10cm dilation, my legs were put in stirrups, blue sterile drapes were placed over my legs and belly, and I pushed until the baby crowned and was born.

As a side note, I did receive episiotomies with both births. Neither developed any complications and neither caused me any more pain and discomfort than I think any normal vaginal birth would have caused.

I never looked back on my births and thought, "I wish things would have gone differently." I was extremely pleased with both my physicians and with the outcomes of both births - healthy 7lb babies!

BUT, there are things that I would like to experience differently this time. The biggest issue for me was how "medical" the whole thing felt. I know that women have birthed babies since the beginning of mankind. I am not comfortable delivering away from a medical setting because of the possibility of an emergency (though rare, it still frightens me), but I realize that birth isn't an event that needs extreme "medical" intervention. To me, a well trained nurse for me and a nurse for my baby is about all that is necessary unless a complication arises. In that case, of course I would welcome a respiratory therapist, and OB, and a neonatologist. And anyone else who may become necessary!

Okay, back to yesterday's appointment...

The midwife I saw answered all my birth related questions. She explained to me that there was no medical need for IV fluids during delivery, so although the nurses at the hospital would want to hook me up, she said I can request a hep-lock instead of a IV. She explained that this would basically provide them "access" to my vein incase they needed it, but that I would not need to receive any fluids through it unless it became medically necessary to have some medication via IV. (I am praying for a negative Strep B screening result so I don't have to have antibiotics during labor)

I asked about the blue sterile drapes that were laid all over me for both previous births. She shook her head and said that the midwives don't even break down the bed (for those of you who have never given birth, this means that they don't remove the bottom portion of the bed when you begin pushing). She said they don't use stirrups and she said many times, she doesn't even put on a gown.

She also told me that they will not cut an episiotomy unless there is true emergency and they thought it would help get the baby out faster.

I must say that I am SO excited about this birth. I do not intend to go drug free. I do plan on getting an epidural at some point. I understand that this requires a flush of a bag of IV fluids before it is given. I understand they will want to monitor my blood pressure when the epidural is in place. I am okay with all of this.

Mostly, I am excited that the midwife will be there to encourage me and to give me the courage to be my own advocate. She even told me to write up a birth plan.

I have so few true birth desires that I thought it wasn't even worth bothering with, but she said that I should write up whatever it is that I'd like - no matter how small or seemingly "short" my list of desires is. She said they want to know what I want and what I hope for.

I love the midwives already! Yay!

Of course I know that things may not go as I have planned or even as the midwife and I discussed, but I know that I will leave with my baby at the end of my stay. I know that they will support me no matter what happens. I will be in good hands.

And after all my hard work, my husband will again get to "cut the cord." I may let it pulse for a few extra minutes while the baby is placed on my chest (one of my few desires that I've never experienced) and rubbed dry with a towel. But this glorious, praise worthy moment will happen.

Praise God for birth and healthy babies!

This is D meeting us for the first time :-)

The most beautiful 7lbs 4oz that I've ever seen!

The Home Stretch

2011-03-30T14:53:00.003-04:00

I am now 35 1/2 weeks pregnant.

My midwife told me yesterday that if labor started from this point forward, they wouldn't do anything to try and stop it.

To, me, that means the final countdown is on!

I am now trying to enjoy my last few pregnant weeks. Some days are easier to enjoy than others. It is really all in my mind though.

When I stop to realize that these last weeks are probably the last weeks I will EVER be pregnant, I get a little sad. And in less of a hurry to "get it over with."

I am trying to enjoy each movement from within my belly. Those movements that make me laugh as I can feel the individual feet (or small parts) poking out on the my right side. And the ones that make me wince in pain as I feel his head slam down against my cervix. Ouch! And of course, the reoccurring hiccups in my lower left abdomen that seem to happen each time I try and fall asleep.

I have to laugh at myself whenever I get up from laying down these days because each time, the change from laying down to standing up makes me feel the instant need to pee. Combine that with the stiffness in my legs and hips and I must be quite a site as I stand up and immediately limp to the bathroom. (2-3 times a night!)

But I am relishing the times that I can lay down and rest.

Lately, I take a nap every day when D takes a nap. My sweet C plays quietly in the living room or playroom as I snooze on the couch. I don't know how I'd make it through the day without these naps. I know they are numbered though. I wonder how I am going to make it through the days when the baby arrives and I can no longer grab a nap each afternoon.

I am also trying to enjoy the moments with my "big" kids. Today I took them to Moe's for lunch...just because I could. It is their very favorite place to eat. B and I don't really care for it, but they love it. In a month or less, I will not be able to spoil my "big" kids and take them to their favorite place for lunch by myself.

In fact, I'm not sure how long it will take before I even feel I can leave the house with all 3 children by myself. I am hoping I'll adapt sooner than I think I will. I am also hoping baby N will be an easy going little guy that goes with the flow and enjoys being lulled to sleep in the baby carrier I plan on wearing him in. (That I finally was able to order this morning!)

Part of me is beginning to freak out a bit because of all the things that are still up in the air. I don't really know exactly who will watch C and D when I go into labor. I have some wonderful gals lined up, but as to who is available at that exact moment, I don't know yet. I need to finish packing the bag for the baby and I need to start packing a bag for myself. I need to install the car-seat. The bigger I get, the more daunting crawling in the van to rearrange all our seats is going to be. I better do that now before I get any less "nimble." And of course, I don't have any idea when the baby will make his debut. I am praying it is sometime AFTER April 7th. B is out of town until then.

I am throwing C a birthday party on April 9th and then her real birthday is on the 17th. I'd love it if the baby didn't come on either one of those days either. I know the Lord has each moment of this birth planned out, so I am not really worried about any of this.

Just anxious to figure out how it is all going to go.

And then I am very much looking forward to spending about 48 hours in the hospital when I have the baby. I am going to savor the nurses that are there to help me. Savor the quietness when the baby sleeps and I can rest.

I know these 48 hours or so will be the last "restful" hours I may get for a while. Unless this baby holds out and doesn't come until my actual due date when we have family coming in town to help us, coming home is going to be anything but relaxing and peaceful.

It will just be me and B. And I will have just had a baby. And we still have our other two kiddos to take care of. And this new little newborn.

This is why the hospital is appealing to me :-)

Anyway, join me as I countdown the last weeks. I am enjoying them. The baby is no longer up in my ribs making me terribly uncomfortable. I am used to peeing each time I cough and sneeze. I am used to rubbing oil on my belly twice a day. I am used to wearing sweatpants every day. And although I can't wait to meet my youngest son, I am not really ready to be done being pregnant.

I am still enjoying life as I know it.

Which I know will never again be the same.

Book Recommendation

2011-03-26T20:39:00.004-04:00

I've never made a book recommendation on my blog before, but I am finding the one I am currently reading to be SO good, that I feel I owe it to you to recommend it...

I am in the middle of reading The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears. It is a non-biased book that was written to educate parents about the vaccines the AAP recommends for our children. In the past, I have vaccinated my children 100% based on the recommendation of my pediatricians. I would sign the forms, they'd inject my kids, I'd wait my 10 minutes to see if they had a reaction and then I was out the door with my child and a handout about the vaccine we just received and its possible side effects. I never read those sheets. Most often, they'd lay in my car, or in the bottom part of the stroller until I eventually just threw them away.

Neither of my children ever had an adverse reaction to a vaccine. I have no reason to NOT want to vaccinate.

I am simply reading this book because I want to learn more about the diseases these vaccines aim to prevent as well as the vaccines themselves.

I cannot tell you how informative this book has been! It goes through 12 of the vaccines we commonly give our children and tells you about the disease including the severity of it and the rarity of it, and then goes through how the vaccine is made and how effective it is. It gives you reasons why parents choose to give the vaccine and why some parents choose not to give the vaccine.

I am all for moms making informed decisions when it comes to their children. This was one area where I had never bothered to do the research. All I can say is that I am SO glad I'm reading this book now :-)

Baby No.3 will still be vaccinated. But he will be vaccinated differently than my other two children because of what I am learning. If you've got a baby at home or if you're going to be having a baby in your home, please think about reading this book.

Its full of great information and it is very well written!

So, that is my $0.02 :-)

Rear-Facing Update

2011-03-25T20:58:00.008-04:00

Four days ago, I switched D's car-seat back to be rear-facing in my van as a bit of an "experiment" to see how an older toddler fits rear-facing as the AAP now recommends. I know many of you probably thought this was a weird thing to do since he is almost 2 1/2 and is developing into quite a big boy these days.

But to me, my child's safety will always come first.

So, I am not concerned with how strange you may think it is or how weird you think it looks :-)

These past few days with D being rear-facing have actually gone very well - considerably better than I expected.

In fact, I have decided to extend my "experiment" and keep him rear-facing until he becomes incredibly unhappy with it or until he no longer fits - again, he is 6 months OLDER than the new AAP rear-facing guidelines apply to. I have actually considered getting him a different car-seat so he can be even more comfortable than he currently is (this is just in consideration mode at the moment though, haha). However, in case you were wondering what some of the seats are that people use to keep these bigger kids rear-facing though, here is one. And here is another one.

What I have discovered:

I have figured out that D fits better in his "new seat" if I remove his shoes when I strap him in. His sneakers don't really pose a problem, but his rain boots added quite a bit of bulk. He just looked more comfy sitting cross-legged with his little sock feet.

I have also figured out that he is extremely happy rear-facing when his sister is in the car. This is likely because they can see each other very well. They chat, play, and pass toys back and forth. I couldn't be happier about this.

I learned that it is still possible for him to have a bit of a snack while rear-facing even though I can't actually see his face. We stopped at McDonalds once and I was still able to pass 2-3 fries back to him at a time (as I normally would forward facing). We just passed the fries over our heads. Its worked just fine.

He and I also figured out together the best way for me to lift him (even at 35 weeks pregnant) so he doesn't hit his head on the side of the van when getting in or out of his seat.

Hmmm, what else...

I noticed that he doesn't drop his toys as often thus keeping him MORE entertained when riding in the car. This is obviously because his toys/books are more or less boxed in by his torso and the back of the captain's chair in the van.

Oh, and both my kids can still climb in the van on the side where his seat is. They are both small enough to just duck and walk in under his rear-facing convertible car-seat. This was a concern of mine, so I am glad to learn that this isn't actually a problem as I figured it may be.

Overall, he has stayed very happy, I have asked him several times if he is comfortable. He has told me "yes." I have asked him if he likes his legs flopped out over the edges of his seat. He has told me "yes." And I can't help but to notice how excited he is when he climbs into his seat. He eagerly jumps in. He has even learned to say a new phrase this week - "back-wards," haha!

I have not installed the new baby's infant seat in the van yet, but I have reconfigured in my head where all three of my car-seats will go. D is going to stay where he is behind me - rear-facing. The new baby will go in the infant seat behind the passenger seat. C will go to the third row and be forward-facing directly behind the baby. From this spot, she can see both her brothers' faces and help me keep them occupied and tell me what they are up to :-) She is excited about her new placement and job. Oh, and for now, she will stay in her car-seat with the harness. This is simply because she can buckle and unbuckle herself in it. I know I can't say that about an adult lap belt over a booster seat.

So, in conclusion, my experiment was a huge success. If my 2 1/2 year-old, 37" tall boy can ride comfortably and safely rear facing in his convertible car-seat, then so can most of your toddlers as well.

I am sure most of you think your kids would hate it. You probably think that they would not be comfortable all "squished" up. But, you see, what I have learned is that kids are not little adults. They are children. Their bodies are different. For the same reason they don't wake up with a stiff neck after falling asleep in the car with their head flopped over onto their chests, they are not uncomfortable sitting with their legs crossed or flopped over the sides of their seat. They also think its "cool" to ride backwards. Remember when you were little and there was a seat turned around backwards on a bus or a train? Did you run for that seat first because it was cool and different? I know I did. I think that is why even my big girl asked me if I could flip her around "backwards" too...at 45lbs, she's too big for this of course. Haha!

So, if you have a 13 month-old, or an 18 month-old, or even a 23 month-old or older, please consider putting them back in a rear-facing convertible car seat. The AAP didn't change their guidelines to age 2 as the minimum for no reason. The recommendation wasn't changed from 12 months/20lbs to be a pain for moms and dads. It wasn't made to sell more car seats. It was made because toddlers died and suffered severe head, neck, and spinal injuries in car accidents where they would have been far less injured had they been rear-facing.

Here is a very short video I found that shows exactly how a toddler's body will react and take on an impact in a collision while facing both forward and then facing the rear of the vehicle.

Out of curiosity - and because I love to know that I have like-minded mama friends out there - please leave a comment if you have your toddler rear-facing, or if you plan to flip them back around as I did. Remember the AAP is now recommending that toddlers rear-face until they are at least two years old.

Thats not a number I came up with.

This is the same AAP that we trust with our immunization schedule.

The same AAP that tells us putting babies "back to sleep" is best.

If you trust their wisdom for that...won't you trust it for this?

10 Things You May Not Know About Me

2011-03-22T21:06:00.005-04:00

1. I hate roaches. I hate killing them. Its the "crunch" that gets me. BUT, if I see a roach in my house, I will not stop until I have killed it. I will move furniture, call over a friend to help (at 11pm...), and make sure that it is DEAD before I go to bed that night. Wasps come in a close second to roaches on my "hated bug list."

2. My daughter is my best friend. Truly. I don't just say that to make her feel good about herself or to make her feel more loved. She truly is, without a shadow of a doubt, my best friend. She holds me when I need it. She says the exact right thing at the exact right moment. She gets excited when I'm excited. She anticipates how I will react to certain situations. She helps me out around the house and with her brother (as much as can be expected, haha). She lays with me and puts her little hand on my belly and feels her brother move like nobody else does. She giggles when he kicks her. She is just as excited as I am about him being born soon. Sure, we fight. But we always make up at the end of the day (or hour). She is my very best friend. I hope that never changes.

3. In high school I was the drum major in the band. For those of you not awesome enough to know what that means, I was the one who stands on the podium and "conducts" the band from the front of the football field. I did this for 2 years and I loved it. I never considered myself a nerd. I still don't.

4. Even though I attended every single high school football game and many college football games, I know next to nothing about football. I kept thinking I would eventually pick it up, but nope, it never happened. First Down, Fourth Down, Running Back, Sacked....all these words are still Greek to me!

5. I wish I was a princess. Not a real princess like in Europe, but more like a Fairy tale Princess. Basically, I wish that all my husband had to do ALL day was woo me and win my heart - every day. I hate that work, stress, money, school, and traveling get in the way of our fairytale love story. I wish he would sing to me like the "Princes" sing to their loves in the movies. I think I'd like to be Rapunzel in Tangled - when they are out on the boat watching the floating lights. That looked AMAZING to me!

6. I cry at the drop of a hat. The other day a country music song made me cry. I couldn't even relate to it. It was about a man that wanted to leave his love after trying to do so time and time again. It had nothing to do with my life, but I still cried (It was called "Tomorrow" by Chris Young in case you're interested). I cry when babies are born on A Baby Story. I cry at a specific Pampers commercial that comes on occasionally. I cry when I think of my friends who have deployed husbands. I cry when I think of the life that was lost in the car accident I saw yesterday. I cry sometimes when I just look at my children. I cry when my husband brings me flowers. I cry when I am overwhelmed. I cry when I miss my mom. Truthfully, I am crying now...

7. I struggle with my body image. I know many women struggle with this issue, but I do to. My self esteem is all wrapped up in how I feel about physical body. I felt unhappy with myself for a long time until I lost weight last year. I haven't been as happy as I was last year since I was in high school or college. Gaining weight with this pregnancy has been hard on me. I love my belly. I love feeling the baby, but I cringe when I see how the rest of me looks. I can't wait to work out again and shed this weight. I need to feel confident about the way I look again.

8. I can't believe I am about to write this...two of my favorite things to do are to sneeze and poop. Its not that I think they are "fun," its just that usually you feel kind of miserable up until its finally "time." Just such a relief to get it out - the sneeze and the poop :-) Sorry, that may be TMI! haha!

9. I call my mom about 4 times a day. The first time is usually between 7 and 7:15am. She is always up. And even if for some reason she weren't up, she'd still answer her phone. Thats just the kind of mom she is. I hope I will be that kind of mom when my kids are grown too.

10. Speaking of grown up kids, I hope my little D never grows up. I baby him way more than I should. This goes against about everything I stand for, but I can't help it. He IS my baby. I never thought I'd fall into the "mommy's boy" syndrome, but I totally have. I rock him, carry him, sing to him, snuggle with him, let him suck his thumb, and run to him every time he falls down. In return, he runs to me, clings to me, calls out to me, and drives me nuts. Its a relationship I could never have anticipated, but I really wouldn't have it any other way.

You can call me crazy...but you can't call me unsafe!

2011-03-21T18:49:00.007-04:00

Today is a big day for child safety. The American Academy of Pediatrics has updated their car seat safety recommendations.

Among the changes in AAP guidelines:

Children should ride rear-facing to age 2, or until they reach the maximum height and weight for their seat. (The old policy from 2002 cited age 12 months and 20 pounds as a minimum for when to turn a seat around.)
Children should use a booster seat until they have reached 4 feet 9 inches tall and are between 8 and 12 years old.
Children should ride in the rear of a vehicle until they are 13 years old.

You had to know I'd be blogging about this :-) I am THRILLED to see that now our pediatricians will be making official recommendations such as these. The AAP has encouraged parents to keep their children rear facing for as long as possible for quite some time but because they had not removed that dumb 20lb/12 month minimum, many parents still "flipped" their kids around at 12 months or younger just because they could.

These changes have gotten huge buzz online today. Many moms, like myself, as so glad that the AAP made this the official recommendation. But there are many parents and grandparents that think it is absurd.

On some of the forums I read today, there were many comments about how it was ridiculous and that they wouldn't be following it at any cost. They state that "a parent knows best" or that "moms know what is safest for their children." My genuine hope is that as this recommendation becomes less "new" and car seat manufacturers begin to slap different labels and directions on their seats and the pediatricians begin handing out different paperwork on car seats that those parents will be educated to how incredibly wrong they are.

And yes, I believe they are wrong. I try to be very open minded about parenting in most aspects. If it "works for your family" to co-sleep, then go for it, if it "works for your family" to breast feed until your baby is 2 1/2, then go for it! If formula from day one works better for you, then go for it.

But, until you can change the laws of physics, flipping a baby/toddler around forward facing will never "work better" for any child. It WOULD work much better for me (if I was in a car accident) if my children would float gracefully in the air and not hit a thing, but you know what? I can't make that happen. I can only make sure they are properly restrained so that their heads and necks are as protected as possible. I believe all babies deserve this protection. You can't fight the physics of whiplash and internal decapitation. Your big 16 month old does NOT have the neck strength/development to withstand a front end collision unharmed. This is physics. Not opinion.

ANYWAY, off my soap box...

I decided that since the new guidelines were to have toddlers rear facing until age 2 or until the limits of their seat that maybe I should try turning D rear facing again to see how it works for an older toddler. I know that children in Europe rear face until they are 4 or 5 years old, so I figured this experiment would not be THAT strange (plus lots of moms on my online parenting forums rear face until age 3 or 4 here in the states!)

D is 2 1/2 years old. He weighs 28lbs. He is 37" tall...which is very tall for a 2 year old!

His car seat is a Britax Boulevard. It will hold him rear facing until he reaches 35lbs. I knew he would still fit.

The question is, how would he REACT to being flipped around backwards after about 10 months of being forward facing. I was assuming he'd hate it. I thought he'd cry or scream.

Well, much to my surprise, he did neither. He went out to the car with me when I reinstalled his seat. I made it sound fun with the words that I chose and the tone that I used. (The same tone I use when I talk about how tasty green beans are and how good milk is for our bodies!).

He was SO excited to see the seat flipped around backwards. I think he was thinking he was getting to ride backwards....kind of like a "ride." He was eager to jump in it as soon as I got it all installed and tightened. I was very surprised how excited he was!

We then went inside and he ran to tell C about his "new seat" and how it was "flip!" When we all went out to the car to run an errand, C took one look at the change and asked me if I could flip her seat around too. She thought it looked awesome too...strange, I know!

Where did he put his legs?

-Basically, he flopped them out to the sides over the edges of the seat.

-After I took off his rain boots (I didn't want my car dirty...), he curled his legs up and sat with his legs crossed.

But he couldn't SEE!!!

-Yes he could. He could see out the back windows, the side windows, and he could see his sister's face. In fact, they talked and laughed more today in the car than they have in months. Most likely because they could see each other's faces.

He must have been so bored staring at the back of the seat.

-No, he either played with his sister or he read a book. He was perfectly fine. I promise.

-He did get mad once. It was because he wanted his sock off and he couldn't seem to get it pulled off. It had nothing to do with being a 2 1/2 year-old riding rear-facing.

I am not sure how long I will keep him rear facing. He is 6 months older than the 2 year minimum, but he is still under the rear facing weight limit on his car seat. I will go with this for a few weeks as we continue to "feel" it out.

To be fair, I will give you the downsides of this extended-rear-facing thing.

-It was more difficult for me to get him in the seat. I had to make sure he didn't hit his head on the side of the van as I lifted him in and out.

-It was a little more difficult for me to get him buckled in.

-I did feel bad when I couldn't help him get his sock off while we sat at a stop light and he was getting mad.

So....basically, those are all parental inconveniences. I think I can "inconvenience" myself for a few extra months to make sure my son is 5 times safer. The 5 times safer thing is a fact. I didn't pull that out of thin air.

This afternoon as I was driving to pick up my daughter from a play date, I thought very hard about this decision. Was I being too "extreme" by turing my 2 1/2 year old rear facing for a little while? Is the AAP making unrealistic recommendations on parents? Why are so many parents SO against keeping their child as safe as possible? I don't get it.

Just then, I got slowed up by a bit of traffic. It was then that I saw why. I passed a HORRIFIC car accident. There were at least 3 cars involved. One vehicle was completely destroyed - smashed in from the front and from the back. I couldn't even tell you if it was sports car, a 4 door sedan, or a hatchback something. All I can say was that it was blue.

The cops hadn't arrived yet. There was no EMS there yet. Just smoke coming from the vehicles and people who had seen the accident pulling over onto both shoulders. There was one man talking to whomever was in the destroyed car. I hope that person was still alive. It was THAT bad.

As I drove away, tears formed in my eyes. THAT is why D is rear facing at the moment. THAT is why C is still not in an adult seatbelt. Because THAT could be me and my family. I don't care how "extreme" you think it is. Or how "weird" it makes me. My children will not be a statistic. My children will not be a YouTube tribute video because of what "could have" or "would have" changed the outcome of an accident. I will do EVERYTHING I can in my power to provide a safe place for them.

I can't prevent them from getting sick. I can't prevent terminal cancer or a brain tumor. But I CAN provide a safe haven in my vehicle.

Thank you, AAP for taking a formal stance on this issue. I know many lives will be saved!

*EDIT*

Here is a GREAT video made by a pediatrician all about the new AAP guidelines. It is the best and most informative video I've seen so far :-)

And I just saw online that the accident I passed had 4 cars involved, 7 injuries, and one fatality. It is so incredibly sad and scary.

I see accidents all over the place where I live. Last week we had a fatality on the same stretch of road and over the weekend there was an accident that caused a horrible car fire - all on the same road within a couple miles. Oddly, I saw the car fire accident as well. I guess when the roads you travel on frequently are so dangerous, its a good idea to be extra safe.

Raising Them Up

Middlest

Its been a while!

A "Last"

Christmas Magic

Broken Hearts and Fear

Nursing

Baby Fun

"Mom Photogs"

Little Kids

Lessons Learned

Preschool

Christmas Decorating. In November.

Happy Halloween!

5 1/2

Its just too much fun!!

Six Months Old

Battles and Dreams

They're Here!

Biking with D

My Recent Favorites!

The Next Chapter

Lots of Progress

My Future Job

Wrapping the Baby

Opinions Please!

Worth 1000 Words

Littlest Man

Earthquake among other things...

Running Solo

Like brother...or like sister

Baby Clothes

8 Years

First this. Then this.

Third Baby

The Thumb

No Surprise

N-12 weeks and counting

Am I the Only One?

Workout Update!

Happy Birthday Oma!

How Kids Play

Goodbye

Hippie Woman

Its a new...

Smiles and Cute Faces

Nursing

The Anatomy of my Mom-Mobile

Underwear

Round Two

Best Baby Products (for us)

Dear Baby

Atlanta Trip Memories

Gaining, gaining, gaining

A Family Recap

A Few Firsts

The Birth Story

The Baby is Here!

He is Risen!

Easter Pics!

As we wait...

The Buzz

Pedicure Pampering

A Rough Day

Party and Prep

The Arrival of the Baby Products :-)

Birthing Excitement

The Home Stretch

Book Recommendation

Rear-Facing *Update*

10 Things You May Not Know About Me

You can call me crazy...but you can't call me unsafe!

Rear-Facing Update