Trimming the fat

Remember me?

Its been a month since I've been here. And its been about that long since I have even read any blogs. Sorry, blogging friends :-(

I will now tell you why.

I am trimming the fat. Not just the fat on my body, haha - but all the fat in my life.

And blogging is...well, fat. At least in my life, its fat.

I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe its because I am turning 30 this year. Or maybe its because my oldest child is almost finished with kindergarden. Or maybe its simply because God is changing and reshaping my heart.

The reasoning doesn't matter to me as much as the result.

And the result:

Less filler and fluff in my life = More quality time with my family

Its simple, really. I am praying about what is getting eliminated. And He is leading me.

I want more time with my kids. More time with less stress to sit and enjoy them. Stare at them. I want more mornings where I have nowhere to be but home....or a park or a playdate if I so decide. I want less commitments and more laughter. Less rushing. More playing (which equates to more sword fighting and wrestling).

And its not just about the kids.

I desire more time with my own friends! I want to have coffee and chat. I want to make phone calls and reconnect with friends across the country.

I need more time with my husband. There is so much to that. But I will leave it at that.

There are some things that will be sticking around.

My new business is here to stay - but I will not be packing in photo sessions every single weekend. When I book as many sessions as I want to do per month, then I am booked. I am going to commit to that for myself and for my family.

My workouts are staying. Maybe not every single day....but regularly. Including the new Praise Moves Yoga class I recently started.

MOPS will always be there. I don't know exactly what my role will be next year. But I will stay in MOPS. I need MOPS.

Sports for the kids will be cut. Weekday Bible studies and PWOC have been cut. Blogging has been cut - at least regular and ongoing blogging has been cut. I turned down a position at church this week. A position I would have loved to do. But now is just not the time...and I am okay with that.

Its just that everything that I do competes for my time and attention.

Time is fleeting. Life is short. Kids grow fast.

How else can I say it?

What on this beautiful Earth is more important than the family that God has given to me to grow, love, and protect?

Absolutely nothing.

Times like these won't always be around.

Barbie bikes, Hello Kitty socks, and Twinkle Toes will be gone in the blink of eye. I want to treasure them while they are still here.

For now, these are the faces that matter. Everything else is just fat.

I will still be around. Just not as much. It has taken me weeks to even get around to writing this blog entry. I won't promise that I will be reading blogs much either. Because reading blogs means more time sitting in front of the computer. And less time with my loves.

I hope you understand. I am sure many of you do and can relate. Thanks for reading! I promise another entry will come. I just can't promise when that will be :-)

If you need me, I will be outside - watching this.

Blogging hasn't been a front runner in my life these days.

Obviously.

I have gotten back to working out in the evenings. I am in week 4 of Chalean Extreme. I haven't had the drastic results I got last time I did it. I attribute this to my eating habits. They simply aren't as spectacular as they were the first time.

At this point though, I am just happy to say that I haven't missed many workouts. And I am getting stronger. I have lost 6lbs so far. I would love for that to be 10lbs, but I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have other things to focus on!

I have been diligent in building my photography website - www.randiboydphotography.com. In fact, its done and has been revealed to the public. I couldn't be more proud of it!! I can't wait for the Spring so I can start photographing everyone that has requested a Spring session with me.

Plus, I just bought my daughter this dress. And I am incredibly excited to photograph her in it. I have a vision. And this dress is a part of it :-)

In the meantime, I've basically just been trying to slow down my life. I am trying to play with the kids a bit more. And photograph them being themselves. I am trying to stare at them more and really try and take them in when they talk to me. I am noticing things about them that I have never noticed before. Its amazing how beautiful and unique they each are. Truly, they are little masterpieces. I love their Creator. He is so generous.

To wrap up these ramblings, here are a few things I have captured recently of my middle man.

For those of you that are interested, here is a before and after of my editing process...

And here is my favorite version of it...

I can't stop staring at it. And him.

Middlest

Buddy Boo,

I wanted to stop and write to you tonight because I want you to know that I do love you. It seems like lately we have more challenging days than overall good days together. I don't know if its because you're three, or if you are just stubborn, or if its all my fault, but it seems that we butt heads all.day.long. some days.

Today was definitely one of those days. It started early this morning and it just continued all day. I fought with you and eventually got you to take a nap around 11am. You slept for almost 3 hours. I hoped you would feel better about life once you woke up, and for a little while, you did. But this evening turned on us quickly when you bit your baby brother.

Today just threw me a curve ball. Daddy was supposed to be home but snow and ice delayed his flight. You threw tantrums and I pretty much threw them right back at you. I'm sorry for acting your age instead of mine.

I just want you to know that I love you. And that I am proud of you. You do so well in school and at church. I get nothing but positive reports from your teachers everywhere. You are so easy to love. You smile, you snuggle, and you have an adorable little voice and a funny way of using the wrong pronouns in almost every sentence. I love it. I love you.

I love when you run around the house naked after using the downstairs bathroom. I love that you still suck your thumb (don't tell Daddy or Dr. O'Shea). And I love the way you curl up in my lap next to the baby while he is nursing.

I love that no matter how many times I lose my temper with you, you always love me right back. The same way I love you right back.

I promise to do my best for you. I will give all of me to you. Forever. I will not give up on training you up to be a honorable and Godly man. I know we'll continue to have our spats as you grow up, but I want you to know that above all else, I love you to no end.

To the Moon and Back.

Love,

Mommy

Its been a while!

Wow, its been quite a while since I have blogged!

"What on earth have you been up to?" You may wonder (or not.)

We headed to Atlanta for Christmas and had a wonderful visit with lots of family and many friends.

Here is a picture of my mom's tree....seriously. This is in her house. Not a magazine.

Once we arrived home about 10 days ago, I have done nothing but try and reorganize my house and my life.

I did several (about 8!) photo sessions while I was home, so I have been editing my eyeballs out every evening trying to get pictures done and on CDs and mailed to their respective clients. I have also been trying get my branding and marketing in place for my new business. My husband has been helping me with this big time. My website is now officially a work in progress. Thanks B for all your help!!

(Those are just a handful of the ones I have been working on!)

I have also been trying to crank out laundry and continue with the post Christmas-gift-reorganization that becomes necessary very year.

Oh, and I began my Chalean Extreme workout program again last week. I am 100% committed to it and am lifting so heavy, even I am surprised at myself and my determination this go-round. My goal is to drop the rest of this pregnancy weight by the time the baby turns one in April. Well, honestly, I hope its gone my March, but we'll see how quickly it comes off, haha!

At the end of each day when I am tired and ready to just spend some time without the little ones needing me is when I slip on my workout clothes and break out a serious sweat. I lift, pant, sweat, grunt, jump, stretch, lunge, and squat.

What I won't do is quit.

"Don't quit when you're tired. Quit when you're DONE!"

I read that this week and it has stuck with me. I have to do this. I have a beautiful wardrobe hanging in my closet that I don't fit into. I am determined to get into those adorable Spring clothes again...like leggins and the romper :-)

I am so ready to go from this...

Back to this....

20-25 pounds is all that stands in my way...

A "Last"

It may seem rather silly to many of you, but others of you will 100% know what I mean when I say that packing up baby things after they have been used for the last time can be pretty tough on mommy.

I am almost always too busy to really pay attention to the "last" time we use certain things because, well, one day, he is in the swing...and the next day it is in my way and I have shoved it upstairs in a closet. But now, I don't even remember the "last" time he swung in it - the last time any of my babies will swing in it.

But today marks a special last for me. Maybe goofy for you. But special to me.

Today N wore one of my very favorite outfits for the very last time. Nearly three years ago, I bought this outfit for D. And it quickly became my favorite.

The colors, the fit, the comfort - I loved it all.

When I found out I was having another boy and I went through all of D's old clothes, I pulled out this outfit with love in my heart. I knew that eventually N would wear it.

And wear it he has!

But today, as I got him dressed, I noticed the onsie was really pretty snug. And the waistband of the pants is pretty snug too.

Today is the last time that my last boy will wear this favorite outfit.

So when N woke up early from his nap and we began paying on the floor of his room, I quickly decided to run downstairs and grab my camera.

To capture this last.

Again, this may be silly to you.

But to me, its was important.

So here they are...

The pictures of a "last."

Christmas Magic

I just thought I'd share a couple images capturing what goes on in my house on any given day.

I am really trying to be more "behind the scenes" in my photography lately. Trying not to pose so much, trying harder to just capture what happens naturally.

I find it all more real that way.

More honest.

Happy week before Christmas, my friends. Enjoy the magic. Remember the Reason.

My baby just being his happy drooly self. In his pjs. At lunch time.

And here is my hubby helping D transition from nap time back to the world of playtime and fun...

It just doesn't get any sweeter.

And my girl. Just being her normal beautiful self.

Broken Hearts and Fear

I don't know if its just that our emotions are heightened at this time of year or if it really is true that more hearts are breaking right now.

It seems like each time I turn around, I learn about a new shaking world for someone.

I have a friend my age battling caner right now. All she wants for Christmas is to see her young children grow up. I have people in my life who are suffering from broken relationships. Long standing relationships, now over...in an instant. There are beautiful, amazing, mature women longing to be married and building families of their own. But as the years go by, God keeps saying, "no, not yet." And then there are those wonderful couples that want nothing more than a baby of their own. And no matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, it just isn't happening.

Broken hearts.

Broken hearts to the left.

Broken hearts to the right.

I have been thinking about this blog entry for a few days. I don't really know what to say or how to approach the subject - the subject of the reality of life.

That life is unfair. That sin is in this world and it isn't the perfect world that God originally designed. And its hard. Very hard for so many of us.

All I can really say is that if I know about your situation, I am praying for you. I know there are hundreds of situations I don't know of, but for those of you that have made your struggles public or for those of you that have confided in me, I am praying for you.

Praying for peace in your heart.

Praying for you to feel the Lord holding you.

And often, praying for a miracle.

My heart breaks for you. My tears fall with yours. And I am up many nights tossing and turning in bed praying and crying out to the Lord with you.

As I think about this whole issue, I am reminded of a Beth Moore bible study video I watched once about fear. She talked about facing some of our biggest fears. She says that one of hers in the past has been that her husband would leave her for another woman. That she wouldn't be desirable to him. That her children would like the new woman and that she would be left alone.

She explained how to process through the fear.

For me, my biggest fear in all the world is losing one of my children. I am sure many of you share that fear.

She told us to press on...

Then what? After your biggest fear happens.

So, if I lose a child, then what?

Well, I'd be devastated.

I'd cry for months.

I don't know how I'd carry on.

I'd be mad, angry, sad, and hopeless all at the same time.

I might think I can't continue living...

Then what?

Well, then I guess I'd eventually get up. My tears may eventually start to lessen.

I'd have to continue on for my other children. Get them fed, dressed, and to school. Maybe I'd get counseling to help process my aching breaking heart.

Then what?

Then I guess eventually life would keep going. It just wouldn't stop, I guess.

Then what?

Then life becomes a new normal.

Then what?

Then God.

He is still there.

He never left.

No matter what happened. No matter how horrible I feel. No matter how angry and sad I become.

If everything in this world was taken from me...

Then God.

My God is faithful.

I heard this message as my husband was deployed. I cried as I listened to her speak. I thought of what it would be like if my husband didn't make it home. Or if something horrible happened to a member of my immediate family. I processed through a lot of my fears.

An although it didn't make my anticipated immediate reaction to those fears lessen any, it reminded me that the outcome is always the same.

Then God.

For those of you who have a shaking world right now, He is there as well. That shaking world is probably shaking because of a fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of dying. Fear of someone you love dying. Fear of never having a family.

It seems like most of what we go through in life that challenges us derives from a fear.

Beth Moore states all of this much better than I even could. If you need an answer. Or hope. Or even if you don't need either, I'd highly suggest you listen to her speak on the topic of fear.