It's just another "Manic Monday"

Wow, today was like a roller coaster. It was so "up and downy" that I felt the need to share :-)

The morning started out great because today was the start of C's very first Vacation Bible School at the church we've been attending. She was pumped and so was I! 3 hours with just me and the baby, yay! Dropped her off without a hitch, ran to Kohls and my purchase rang up on sale (even though it wasn't marked....fantastic!), came home, put D down for a nap and B came home early for lunch. He and I visited and then I ran off to go check out a preschool for C before picking her up from VBS. B kept D at home so I could get this done much quicker. I would be home well before he had to go back to work. I went to the preschool and got on the waiting list...but I was the only one on the waiting list so I was assured a spot would open by the Fall (remember, I live in a military community -people move ALL the time). While I was there getting a tour, a lady brought in her written notice that she would be removing her daughter from the program in the Fall...thus giving my little C her spot :-) Praise God! We found a wonderful christian preschool in a lovely little church not far at all from where we live - and she got a spot!! Yay! And I can afford it!

Okay, this is where the day gets hairy. I go to the church to pick up C from VBS grinning ear to ear that I got her in a preschool for the Fall. (Let me back up, she was already enrolled in one here on-post where we live but it wasn't biblically based at all and I had learned that it was more of a cross between freeplay/daycare/and a very little bit of structure -not quite what I was looking for. This is why I was searching for something else.) I go bouncing down to her room, greet my little one, and explain to the teachers that I accidently left my security tag in the diaper bag which I left at home because my husband was watching the baby - PAUSE. 

"I'm sorry, we can't release her without the tag...I know I saw you drop her off but we have to have the tag for security reasons..." They wouldn't give her to me! Oh no, I was going to have to drive 15 minutes back home to pick up the tag, then drive 15 minutes back all the while leaving my 3 year old in her classroom after all the other kids had come and gone! I didn't know what to do, so I called B...who never complained once. He packed up little D (had to install a car seat in his car!) and headed out to the church to meet me and deliver the "magic ticket." He did all this without once complaining or pointing out how dumb it was of me to leave the security tag at home. Bless him!

So, I did retrieve my daughter who indeed had a wonderful time at VBS and is looking forward to going back tomorrow! Now back to today...I found a listing on craigslist for a woman selling some snazzy name brand cloth diapers that she had been given and hadn't used. She was selling about 7 diapers for $35 - this is a GREAT deal! the diapers had been in a bag in her closet for about a year. She hadn't even looked at them in forever. So, this evening, I took D out there to go check them out. I had to get gas and go to the bank on the way to her house. Her home was lovely and her daughters were adorable, but the diapers were not so great :-( I was bummed and so was she, for they looked great and were in beautiful condition, but when I started playing with them, she and I noticed the elastic was pretty shot, ummm, dry-rotted. Aww Man! Two of them seemed to be okay, so I did get those two and she then brought out a different kind and a different brand. I thought it looked great, so I decided to take it. Plus, she GAVE me multiple (6) microfiber inserts for  my diapers. I left with 3 diapers and a handful of inserts for $12. Not bad. Pulled out of her neighborhood, and the bottom dropped out of the sky - RAIN like you wouldn't believe the entire way home. So, for 30 minutes I drove 25 MPH in the pouring rain and thunder. I was just sure the hail would be coming soon! Now, I was supposed to go get my oil changed at Sears after dropping D back off at home, but I was not going to stay out in the pouring rain. I made it home safe and sound and got my youngest ready for bed. His sweet freshly bathed skin smelled so good, yummm :-) 

Overall, it was an eventful day full of ups and downs. I am sure tomorrow will be no different. Happy Monday to all!

Oh body, oh body, where art thou?

I was heading to the PX today (all by myself!) and listening to a CD in the car...ahhhh, so soothing and relaxing.  Anyway, the CD was by Plumb and most of the songs relate to motherhood somehow. It is a beautiful CD and tends to evoke lots of emotions and thoughts of my kids and my family. I highly recommend it :-) So, the point of this blog is not to tell you about the CD, but to tell you about the revelation I had while listening to it. Basically, I got to thinking about the kids and being a mom and trying to be the best mom I can be for them and for me. We both- the kids and me - deserve my best (and that doesn't count my husband who also deserves my best as his wife). 

I do a lot of things for my family and I do my best to well...do my best, but there is a thought that remains in the back of my mind constantly. I have let myself "go" so long ago - physically. In high school and all throughout college I had a cute little body that I still thought was fat. I was always worried about my figure and never thought I looked as good as I should. I wore an 8 ish most of the time and to me, I should have been a 2 or 4 like most other high school and thin college girls. Well, I look back on that now, and I can't believe how blind I was! I looked great! Haha, so, "modesty" is not the name of this blog...

Anyway, skip to today, after two kids and just about 6 years of marriage and I am considerably heavier than I used to be. I have done numerous diets and have always had success, but once I get off the diet, I end up eating just like I used to and I gain the weight right back. I am so tired of constantly thinking about my weight and how I am not what I should be. I hate having to think about how I can make myself look thinner in clothes or wear a slimming camisole under my shirts so I can look better. I am just ready to not be thinking about how I can appear thinner than I am. Seriously, I am not fooling anyone! 

So, tonight on the way to the PX, I decided, "I'm done!" I am so done with trying to take care of my kids and my family and always having this issue with myself. I am going to get where I want to be. I know I am not 19 anymore, and I don't expect to have that body anymore, but I do realize that there are a ton of moms who look darn good after carrying and delivering babies. So, I am going to "do something about it" once and for all. I am going to stop eating fast food just because it is convenient and easy. I am going to make a point to make better food choices at home and at restaurants. I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT! I want to feel good about myself and have a little self confidence in how I look again. Plus, I want to run around with my kids and not get so winded. I want to be able to jump and not feel a jiggle (this may gross you thinner people out, but yes, there is an actual "jiggle").  B and I have recently started doing the P90X workout videos, and they are totally kicking our butts. I am seriously too discouraged by doing them and trying to get pumped for a 60 min+ workout 6 days a week is really hard. So, I decided I need to get a video that is fun for me and way less intimidating. And I need to walk with the kids as often as possible. I need to do this for me as much as for them. They need a healthy mom!

I figured I would blog about my revelation and "resolution" because it seems more like making a commitment when I write it out...and post it for the world (or 10 or so readers) to see. So, I am making a life change. I am going to be a healthy woman again. I am going to drop about 30 pounds and I am going to feel great! I need to feel good again :-) For real!

Oprah and Spirituality?

This is going to be an interactive post...

I am not a fan of Oprah. I actually really like her show because she usually has pretty interesting guests and some of them have great advice and stories (Dr. Oz, Nate the decorator, Lisa Ling, Faith Hill just to name a few), but I really don't like Oprah. She often adds her input to her "expert" guests as if she too is one of the experts. This irritates me because she is just a talk show host and does not have any formal training in any of the specific areas where her guests specialize. The BIGGEST problem I have with Oprah are her extremely vague and all-encompassing "religious" views.  She accepts every view from every religion shared on her show. She can nod her head in agreement when Faith Hill speaks of Jesus and do just the same when someone speaks of Karma and the the serenity of Buddhism. Now, I am by no means an expert on the different religions of the world (I only took one very interesting "World Religions" class in college), so I certainly don't know the specifics about each religion, but agreeing with ALL of them seems to me to be truly agreeing with none of them. Does that make sense?

So, what has me all fired up was yesterday's Oprah show which was a rerun from earlier in the year. It was called "Spirituality 101" and was part of a series she did on all sorts of different topics for one week...I think there was one of your physical health, your money, your sex life, etc... Each show featured one or more "experts" to share how you can get your life on track. Dr. Oz told about how to get physically healthy, Dr. Laura Berman spoke about sexuality, and Suzie Orman (I like this woman and her bluntness) spoke about money. Anyway, this one particular episode was on Spirituality and how to get your "spiritual life" on track - I guess. I didn't get to watch much of it in between C needing me to be her constant playmate and D waking up and needing to be fed, but I did catch that there was no real definition of what Spirituality was. The one guy I saw that was a guest via Skype was gay and I guess he was feeling defeated and put off and two of the "experts" who both claimed to be "reverends" assured him that being gay was a gift from God! The skyping guy said he felt much better and a little more hopeful after hearing from the experts. Oprah seems to think "spirituality" is more about feeling good about yourself and who you are and taking control of your life - more of motivationally speaking ?(kind of like Joel Osteen....did I say that out loud? Yes, because it's how I truly think) It seems like it (spirituality) is all about something bigger than this physical life, but by no means did that mean God or an "afterlife." I understand "faith" and "religion(s)" but "spirituality" is this big word that to me, kind of means...nothing.  

So, my question to you is, What is "spirituality?" Webster's dictionary is very vague as well just talking about the essence of being spiritual or something silly like that, so no real text book answers :-) Please leave me a comment about what you think this is and how it can be some overarching thing that all of us can benefit from - if we can, haha. And, just for a thought to ponder...wouldn't it be GREAT if Oprah was a true follower of Christ and used her influence over so many dedicated viewers to share the gospel? Just a cool thought...and something to pray about :-) 

Leave your comments! Plus, I am equally as interested to see who actually reads my blog, haha.

Oh the Army...

I am having an "I hate the Army week" so instead of calling all my friends and family and telling you all individually why I am irritated, I will just write it out. It saves you an earful and saves me time and getting all worked up over and over again. 

Basically, I like the Army most of the time. The benefits are good, the stability is really good, the housing is good, the hours are good sometimes (REALLY bad sometimes), the pay is workable, the promotions and raises are consistent, and the healthcare is decent. But, the obvious really big downfall are the deployments and/or separations. My husband returned from a 6 month deployment at the end of April. We were so excited that he'd be home and would have the summer to spend with us. We are very aware that he will likely deploy again this October for another 6 months, so at best, he will be home for 5 1/2 months this year (which is called his "dwell" time...and SHOULD be equal to the time he was deployed). 

But because the Army has needs and can't really focus on the individual, my hubby has been assigned to leave for 2 weeks at the end of the month. He will be assisting another unit with some training and will not be able to return home and will likely not get to call me much - if at all.  This stinks. But what stinks more is that he was most likely going to have to do this again in July and maybe even August. Uggg. So, he decided that if he was going to be gone for weeks at a time "helping" other soldiers, he would rather be gone for weeks at a time furthering his own career. (Going to one of the Army's "schools" overrides being assigned to help out in other units.) So, he has decided to go to Jump School in July where he will learn to "jump" out of airplanes and parachute down to the ground.  I do think this is the way better option because he will be doing something for his career that will hopefully help him on down the road with promotions and job assignments. And, as long as he jumps 4 times a year, there is a pay incentive as well! Anyway, the downside is that Jump school is 3 weeks long. So, now we're up to him being gone 5 weeks this summer. :-(

THEN when it gets closer to time for him to deploy, he will have PMT (Pre Mission Training) which will keep him away for another couple weeks...last year it was 2 weeks away.  Lastly, he will deploy in October and not return home until mid-Spring of 2010. So although his "dwell" time should have been 6 months - how long he was gone last deployment - it is only 5 1/2 months. And of those 5 1/2 months, he will be gone for 5 weeks this summer and probably 2 weeks in the early Fall (7 weeks total!). So, this is why I am having an "I hate the Army week." This cycle will likely continue as long as we are stationed here. :-(

Playing on the Blog

Do you like the new look? I decided to check out some new templates online and after trying several, this is the one I decided on using! I hope you like it and continue to visit my blog often. Have a fantastic Tuesday! 

A Mother's Love

So I just finished watching the season premiere of Army Wives on Lifetime and like any good Lifetime show/movie, I teared up a couple times. But it just really struck a cord with me. You see, one of the characters is going through some really tough stuff with his teenage daughter pulling away from him (pretty normal for a teenager). The show depicted it very well on how he is hurting from this and how he can still see her as the little girl to whom he has always been, "Daddy."  Very touching really. This same dad's other daughter was killed in an explosion last season, so he feels a lot of loss (so the plot sounds kind of dumb when I write it out...)

It got me thinking of my own kids though. The love I have for my children is truly inexpressible. It can't be put into words and I don't know what actions can truly show how the heart feels. Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is exhausting and there is no break - ever. The days tend to blend together and for me as a stay-at-home-mom, the weekends aren't really that different from the weekdays (of course I love having my husband home, but our "routine" is still the same with the kids). I often get so wrapped up in the daily grind that I forget to slow down and truly enjoy the little moments. I felt one of these last night when I gave D his night time bottle in his room. Just me and him rocking in the dark in the glider. When I lifted him up to burp him our faces were just so close and he is such a loving boy - he just wrapped his arms around my neck. I found myself instinctively holding him closer and breathing in his scent, his soft cheeks, and his baby face. The daily grind keeps me so busy that I can't (or don't) do this frequently. It's the same with my 3 year old. Gosh, she is exhausting! She is such a sweet loving girl but is still QUITE the hand-full. I find myself constantly "redirecting" her throughout the day. Sure she learns from all that and she uses her manners and usually plays very nicely with her brother, but it is still exhausting.  At night after we tuck her in and she FINALLY falls asleep and quits coming back out of her room for boo-boos, drinks, stuffed animals she forgot to take to bed with her, and more "I love yous" and hugs, I go into her room and just watch her sleep. I always want to scoop her up and just hold her. I feel like I haven't told her enough that I love her and that I haven't given her enough hugs and kisses although during the day we do this all the time. It just seems like it is never enough. I can't express the love...nothing I can do can show her what I feel for her. 

It just breaks my heart to think about her being old enough to go to preschool in the Fall let alone ever be old enough to go to "big school," date or (oh-my-gosh) DRIVE!  This has turned in to a big mushy blog post, but it is what it is. I can barely see through my tears as I write because when I think about the unexplainable love that I have for them, I just can't hold back. It is so true that you "can't ever know a mother's love until you become a mother." So. Very. True. So, to all you mommies out there...I hear ya, and I feel what you feel. Its magnificent and beautiful - and heart wrenching!

I can't leave this post without relating it to my own Heavenly Father. If I love my babies like this...so much that it hurts and can't be put into words...then how much does He love me? The same? More? I like to think more. He IS love. He created me and He died for me and I am His child just like C and D are my children. It pains Him when I do dumb things against what He has taught me just like it irritates me when C does something  against what I have taught her. He just doesn't discipline me and send me to my room as I do to her. But the love is there. And oh, how great it is. Thanks Lifetime for a great show that conjures up true feelings of the heart. Now I need to go check on my sleeping babies for the 3rd time before I go to sleep and stare at them once more. I'll probably even rub their little heads and tear up again. Good night :-)

Dear C and D,

Your baby blues 

So full of wonder 

Your curley cues 

Your contageous smile 

And as I watch 

You start to grow up 

All I can do is hold you tight 

Knowing clouds will raise up 

Storms will race in 

But you will be safe in my arms 

Rains will pour down 

Waves will crash all around 

But you will be safe in my arms 

Story books full of fairy tales 

Kings and queens and the bluest skies 

My heart is torn just in knowing 

You'll someday see the truth from lies 

Knowing clouds will raise up 

Storms will race in 

But you will be safe in my arms 

Rains will pour down 

Waves will crash all around 

But you will be safe in my arms 

Castles they might crumble 

Dreams may not come true 

But you are never all alone 

Because I will always 

Always love you 

Clouds will raise up 

Storms will race in 

But you will be safe in my arms 

Rains will pour down 

Waves will crash all around 

But you will be safe in my arms

This is a song called, "In My Arms" and it is by Plumb. Just makes me think of my children and how much I love them. I thought I'd share it with you! The previous post was me entering a diaper giveaway. Check it out if you're interested or ignore it if you are not :-)