Oh body, oh body, where art thou?

I was heading to the PX today (all by myself!) and listening to a CD in the car...ahhhh, so soothing and relaxing.  Anyway, the CD was by Plumb and most of the songs relate to motherhood somehow. It is a beautiful CD and tends to evoke lots of emotions and thoughts of my kids and my family. I highly recommend it :-) So, the point of this blog is not to tell you about the CD, but to tell you about the revelation I had while listening to it. Basically, I got to thinking about the kids and being a mom and trying to be the best mom I can be for them and for me. We both- the kids and me - deserve my best (and that doesn't count my husband who also deserves my best as his wife). 

I do a lot of things for my family and I do my best to well...do my best, but there is a thought that remains in the back of my mind constantly. I have let myself "go" so long ago - physically. In high school and all throughout college I had a cute little body that I still thought was fat. I was always worried about my figure and never thought I looked as good as I should. I wore an 8 ish most of the time and to me, I should have been a 2 or 4 like most other high school and thin college girls. Well, I look back on that now, and I can't believe how blind I was! I looked great! Haha, so, "modesty" is not the name of this blog...

Anyway, skip to today, after two kids and just about 6 years of marriage and I am considerably heavier than I used to be. I have done numerous diets and have always had success, but once I get off the diet, I end up eating just like I used to and I gain the weight right back. I am so tired of constantly thinking about my weight and how I am not what I should be. I hate having to think about how I can make myself look thinner in clothes or wear a slimming camisole under my shirts so I can look better. I am just ready to not be thinking about how I can appear thinner than I am. Seriously, I am not fooling anyone! 

So, tonight on the way to the PX, I decided, "I'm done!" I am so done with trying to take care of my kids and my family and always having this issue with myself. I am going to get where I want to be. I know I am not 19 anymore, and I don't expect to have that body anymore, but I do realize that there are a ton of moms who look darn good after carrying and delivering babies. So, I am going to "do something about it" once and for all. I am going to stop eating fast food just because it is convenient and easy. I am going to make a point to make better food choices at home and at restaurants. I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT! I want to feel good about myself and have a little self confidence in how I look again. Plus, I want to run around with my kids and not get so winded. I want to be able to jump and not feel a jiggle (this may gross you thinner people out, but yes, there is an actual "jiggle").  B and I have recently started doing the P90X workout videos, and they are totally kicking our butts. I am seriously too discouraged by doing them and trying to get pumped for a 60 min+ workout 6 days a week is really hard. So, I decided I need to get a video that is fun for me and way less intimidating. And I need to walk with the kids as often as possible. I need to do this for me as much as for them. They need a healthy mom!

I figured I would blog about my revelation and "resolution" because it seems more like making a commitment when I write it out...and post it for the world (or 10 or so readers) to see. So, I am making a life change. I am going to be a healthy woman again. I am going to drop about 30 pounds and I am going to feel great! I need to feel good again :-) For real!