Saturday, June 13, 2009

Oh body, oh body, where art thou?

I was heading to the PX today (all by myself!) and listening to a CD in the car...ahhhh, so soothing and relaxing.  Anyway, the CD was by Plumb and most of the songs relate to motherhood somehow. It is a beautiful CD and tends to evoke lots of emotions and thoughts of my kids and my family. I highly recommend it :-) So, the point of this blog is not to tell you about the CD, but to tell you about the revelation I had while listening to it. Basically, I got to thinking about the kids and being a mom and trying to be the best mom I can be for them and for me. We both- the kids and me - deserve my best (and that doesn't count my husband who also deserves my best as his wife). 

I do a lot of things for my family and I do my best to my best, but there is a thought that remains in the back of my mind constantly. I have let myself "go" so long ago - physically. In high school and all throughout college I had a cute little body that I still thought was fat. I was always worried about my figure and never thought I looked as good as I should. I wore an 8 ish most of the time and to me, I should have been a 2 or 4 like most other high school and thin college girls. Well, I look back on that now, and I can't believe how blind I was! I looked great! Haha, so, "modesty" is not the name of this blog...

Anyway, skip to today, after two kids and just about 6 years of marriage and I am considerably heavier than I used to be. I have done numerous diets and have always had success, but once I get off the diet, I end up eating just like I used to and I gain the weight right back. I am so tired of constantly thinking about my weight and how I am not what I should be. I hate having to think about how I can make myself look thinner in clothes or wear a slimming camisole under my shirts so I can look better. I am just ready to not be thinking about how I can appear thinner than I am. Seriously, I am not fooling anyone! 

So, tonight on the way to the PX, I decided, "I'm done!" I am so done with trying to take care of my kids and my family and always having this issue with myself. I am going to get where I want to be. I know I am not 19 anymore, and I don't expect to have that body anymore, but I do realize that there are a ton of moms who look darn good after carrying and delivering babies. So, I am going to "do something about it" once and for all. I am going to stop eating fast food just because it is convenient and easy. I am going to make a point to make better food choices at home and at restaurants. I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT! I want to feel good about myself and have a little self confidence in how I look again. Plus, I want to run around with my kids and not get so winded. I want to be able to jump and not feel a jiggle (this may gross you thinner people out, but yes, there is an actual "jiggle").  B and I have recently started doing the P90X workout videos, and they are totally kicking our butts. I am seriously too discouraged by doing them and trying to get pumped for a 60 min+ workout 6 days a week is really hard. So, I decided I need to get a video that is fun for me and way less intimidating. And I need to walk with the kids as often as possible. I need to do this for me as much as for them. They need a healthy mom!

I figured I would blog about my revelation and "resolution" because it seems more like making a commitment when I write it out...and post it for the world (or 10 or so readers) to see. So, I am making a life change. I am going to be a healthy woman again. I am going to drop about 30 pounds and I am going to feel great! I need to feel good again :-) For real!


  1. I know you can do it!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! ~B

  2. It is possible!!!! I feel the same way you do, maybe we can keep one another pumped up together by sharing thoughts and ideas that work and don't work.....

  3. hey there is this awesome nutrition program that I know about-- I did it before we got married and learned tons about eating healthy, etc and now it is pretty much a lifestyle for us. Anyway, they have an online program where you pay around $100 a year (not sure exactly how much) but they create menus for you, help you work out an exercise program, etc. It is really neat. Anyway, just letting you know if you are looking for something like this!!