A Mother's Love

So I just finished watching the season premiere of Army Wives on Lifetime and like any good Lifetime show/movie, I teared up a couple times. But it just really struck a cord with me. You see, one of the characters is going through some really tough stuff with his teenage daughter pulling away from him (pretty normal for a teenager). The show depicted it very well on how he is hurting from this and how he can still see her as the little girl to whom he has always been, "Daddy."  Very touching really. This same dad's other daughter was killed in an explosion last season, so he feels a lot of loss (so the plot sounds kind of dumb when I write it out...)

It got me thinking of my own kids though. The love I have for my children is truly inexpressible. It can't be put into words and I don't know what actions can truly show how the heart feels. Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is exhausting and there is no break - ever. The days tend to blend together and for me as a stay-at-home-mom, the weekends aren't really that different from the weekdays (of course I love having my husband home, but our "routine" is still the same with the kids). I often get so wrapped up in the daily grind that I forget to slow down and truly enjoy the little moments. I felt one of these last night when I gave D his night time bottle in his room. Just me and him rocking in the dark in the glider. When I lifted him up to burp him our faces were just so close and he is such a loving boy - he just wrapped his arms around my neck. I found myself instinctively holding him closer and breathing in his scent, his soft cheeks, and his baby face. The daily grind keeps me so busy that I can't (or don't) do this frequently. It's the same with my 3 year old. Gosh, she is exhausting! She is such a sweet loving girl but is still QUITE the hand-full. I find myself constantly "redirecting" her throughout the day. Sure she learns from all that and she uses her manners and usually plays very nicely with her brother, but it is still exhausting.  At night after we tuck her in and she FINALLY falls asleep and quits coming back out of her room for boo-boos, drinks, stuffed animals she forgot to take to bed with her, and more "I love yous" and hugs, I go into her room and just watch her sleep. I always want to scoop her up and just hold her. I feel like I haven't told her enough that I love her and that I haven't given her enough hugs and kisses although during the day we do this all the time. It just seems like it is never enough. I can't express the love...nothing I can do can show her what I feel for her. 

It just breaks my heart to think about her being old enough to go to preschool in the Fall let alone ever be old enough to go to "big school," date or (oh-my-gosh) DRIVE!  This has turned in to a big mushy blog post, but it is what it is. I can barely see through my tears as I write because when I think about the unexplainable love that I have for them, I just can't hold back. It is so true that you "can't ever know a mother's love until you become a mother." So. Very. True. So, to all you mommies out there...I hear ya, and I feel what you feel. Its magnificent and beautiful - and heart wrenching!

I can't leave this post without relating it to my own Heavenly Father. If I love my babies like this...so much that it hurts and can't be put into words...then how much does He love me? The same? More? I like to think more. He IS love. He created me and He died for me and I am His child just like C and D are my children. It pains Him when I do dumb things against what He has taught me just like it irritates me when C does something  against what I have taught her. He just doesn't discipline me and send me to my room as I do to her. But the love is there. And oh, how great it is. Thanks Lifetime for a great show that conjures up true feelings of the heart. Now I need to go check on my sleeping babies for the 3rd time before I go to sleep and stare at them once more. I'll probably even rub their little heads and tear up again. Good night :-)