Monday, October 26, 2009

One week

One week. Thats all I have left with my husband until the end July 2010. He'll miss another Christmas and Thanksgiving...another Valentine's Day, our daughter's birthday again and his own birthday. He missed all these things last year as well. I can't help but to be really sad about this. Truthfully, I don't really know how I am going to make it here without him. He is such a huge help to me with our home, our kids, and our dog. He is so involved in everything that I don't know how I am going to manage and do it all by myself for 9 months. And thats just the practical side of me thinking. Then there is the emotional part of him being gone. I know I will be so lonely day in and day out - bathing the kids, tucking them in, watching TV, turning down the house, and crawling in myself.

I know there are thousands of wives and mothers out there doing the exact same thing while their husbands serve our country. It makes me feel somewhat better but it doesn't eliminate the sting of being alone managing our house and raising our kids. God intended man and woman to be together. I believe He designed them as a team for a reason. When B was gone last year, I felt as though part of who I am was missing. My partner in life, my other half. Last year it was just for 6 months - this year it is for 9 months. Those last three months will go by painfully slow I'm sure.

I have read that it is up to me to make this time what it will be. I can mope, cry, and feel sorry for myself, or I can count down the days until his return and use this time to grow closer to my children and my God. I hope to celebrate this time by taking it in stride and doing the daily tasks for His glory. Unfortunately, I can't be dishonest with myself. I will still cry when he leaves. I will still cry when I am overwhelmed. I will still cry when I drive to Atlanta alone. I will still cry on Christmas Eve when he's absent again.

So, I have one week. He is working all week so I won't actually get to see him more than normal. Today was a rough day at home. I felt so overwhelmed by D's endless crying and C's constant requests and demands for my attention and yet, at 4:00, B walked through the door and relieved the stress. Next Monday, he will not be here to do that. Please pray for me and for him. This whole entry has been about me, but he will be alone 9 months as well. He will not have his wife or the children he adores on any holiday or when he has a bad day. No hugs from me or from the kids. At least I know that I can wrap my arms around C and she will wrap her little preschool arms around my neck and tell me she loves me. He will be without that. Please pray for him. Lastly, pray for C. At three years old, she still has very little concept of time. I have tried to talk to her about it - "daddy is going to be going away on an airplane for a very long time...until the end of next summer." But she just doesn't understand. My biggest concern is that he will leave and she will then realize he isn't coming home. I don't want her to feel "cheated" or "betrayed" because she didn't know. I think thats my biggest fear. I wish I could make her understand before he just doesn't come home next Monday.

So, one week.


  1. Randi, you are killing me. I am sitting here crying. Please know that we will be here for you when Brandon leaves. I am just a phone call away to talk, or a short drive to you. Love you!

  2. This made me cry. I will be praying for all of you guys!