Thursday, November 5, 2009

A heavy yet full heart

Tonight my heart hurts. It hurts because my husband was given some disappointing news about a very good job opportunity. I can't go in to any detail on here, but can just say that after months of anticipating, praying, and hoping for this to "come through," he got word today that it didn't. After a phone call to inquire why, he learned that this "denial" may not be set in stone. He was told not to be too anxious about it yet and to call back in the next couple days to find out if anything had been resolved or changed. So, again we wait and we pray.

I've been praying about this since back in the spring. After today, I feel as though I don't know what else to pray for. I don't know how to ask or how to approach God in another way. Does He bore of hearing the same prayer? I know the answer is "No," but at the same time, I tire of asking. So, tonight I wanted to listen more closely instead of doing so much asking.

God did speak to me - not only about that but about another struggle of mine. Lately, I have felt very inadequate as a woman...not as a mom or as a wife but as a female. I don't feel like I look as pretty as the other women around me. I don't love my hair, but it is kind of stuck this way do to budget concerns. I wish I had "cooler" clothes. I don't feel like I ever look as polished as the other women at church, at Target, or at ballet. Then I tell myself that it doesn't matter and so then I go to Target dressed in a T-Shirt and jeans with a fresh face with minimal make up. I feel good as I head out the door and then as soon as I walk in the store and get a glimpse of everyone else, I feel sad that I don't compare.

So anyway, in one paragraph, that is a very brief glimpse of a struggle of mine. Though it is often on my heart, I don't ever seem to bring it to the Lord...yet He still knows it. And tonight He spoke to me clear as day.

The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.
Psalm 45:11

At first I brushed it off since I wasn't asking about this issue - I was praying about my husband. But then I read it again. And heard it. It was to me...from Him. I read on in slight disbelief that the Lord would address a concern of mine when it is my husband who I am so concerned about. He then spoke again.

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
Psalm 46:5

If you are my "facebook friend" you know that sweet D has been getting up before the crack of dawn all week and since B left I've been struggling with getting up so incredibly early to a crying baby and a whinny dog. But then again, God knows. And He cares...and He is with me :-)
Such a peaceful feeling. Praise Him.

I kept on and on about my husband's job issue and though I was thrilled to hear God speak to me about me, I wanted a word about B. Then a few verses later...

Be still, and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10
Yes, Lord. I will.


  1. You inspire me to be a woman, a wife and mom. I so admire you!!!

  2. Thanks Jennie! I don't feel very inspiring most days, haha. I can barely put one foot in front of the other sometimes :-)