Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Missing Husband

Dear B,
You've only been gone for 10 days, but it feels like its already been 3 months. The first thing I noticed that day you left was how lonely my tooth brush looked in the holder. Then I noticed your deodorant, razor, and shaving cream were gone too...Every remnant of you and your daily life in our home was gone. Slowly I am getting through all our laundry. Every time I fold one of your shirts or uniform pieces I do it a little slower than normal. I won't be folding it again for 9 months. Tonight one of your black socks was in the load I folded. I don't know where its partner is, but I am sure I'll discover it here in the next week or so. I need to change our sheets but I don't want to take off the ones you last slept in with me. It's different here without you. Your computer isn't on the kitchen table anymore. D isn't constantly trying to pull at its power cord. Those things that constantly got on my nerves are the ever present pile of yesterday's clothes by the side of the bed. They are gone. I've left your combat boots outside the closet and even though they've been in my way several times, I've left them.

I don't mind walking the dog every morning and late at night when you used to do it. I don't mind taking out the trash. I don't mind doing all the dishes. But I miss seeing you and all your stuff...your wallet, your keys, your GNC shaker cup, and your phone. I miss the constant shuffling of our cars in the driveway and hearing the "toot" of the vue when you lock the doors as you walk up to the door. I miss asking you to rub my shoulders. Just this evening as I was folding the laundry on the back ached. I surely would have asked you to rub it just then...but there was no body to ask. I miss sharing our tiny bathroom with you at night as we brush our teeth and bump into each other. The 3X3 space seems too roomy without you there.

Talking to you on the computer is great! I am so glad we have privilege of chatting daily and seeing each other on skype. I love when you get to see the kids. Both C and D light up when they see you. C is starting to understand how long you'll be gone. She loves her calendar and joyfully puts a sticker on every day as it passes. She is holding onto her daddydoll constantly...she didn't even sleep with her blankie tonight. It's been replaced with your replica.

Please know that I'm praying for you and thinking about you constantly. It's comforting to know that we have so many friends who are going through the same thing. I worry about the guys in the middle east. I am so thankful you're not there. But I do pray for your safety as well...when you go to work, when you're driving, when you're walking the streets. I love you more than you know. I already miss your kisses and squeezy hugs. I don't know how I am going to make it until July without you. Day by day, I guess. Think of me as you sleep tonight. I am going to check on the kids and then turn in for the night. I love you. I miss you.


1 comment:

  1. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for this...for what you do.