Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Next Chapter

If my life were written in a book, the most recent chapter would have left you hanging on to every word as the husband readied himself to leave, packing and repacking, and the wife just tried to hang on to every last moment by photographing everything possible so that later she would have a visual of the memories. It would have ended with a tearful good-bye in a parking lot next to the family van while the rest of the soldiers loaded 9 months worth of luggage onto the loading docks. You would have cried. I did cry.

But then the next page (and the next chapter) would begin today.

I am beginning to remember how it feels to be alone again. I get overwhelmed at the thought of doing everything for the kids and the dog everyday without my husband here to help, but somehow in the moment, God gives me the strength to keep going. I think God gives mothers a sense of responsibility. It's like "taking care of the children" just isn't optional. When the baby cries, I go. When my daughter is hungry, I feed her. When they need a bath, I bathe them. When we need groceries, I take both kids and go get them. When the baby needs a bottle, I make one. The list could go on forever. I fold the laundry, I take out the trash, I sweep the floor, I change the diapers, I wash the diapers, I fix C's hair, I walk the dog, I load and unload the dishwasher, I do the laundry, I get C to preschool, I get myself to MOPS...

I don't do these things because I choose to, but rather because in a world where no body else is around to help, I have to. They have to be done, and I am the only one to do them. So, I get up at 5:40am to make a bottle. I lay with C at night to make sure she falls asleep. I rock D when he screams during his nap. And I walk the dog 7 times a day.

I have cried several times since B left. I cried when I felt overwhelmed today as D cried and cried because his teeth hurt. I cried when C bonked her head and I tried to soothe her as she cried for her daddy. I cried when I listened to a song in my car that reminded me of B.

But, I will be okay. I got through today. I can get through tomorrow. On a different note, I did get to talk to B on the computer and he told me he got there successfully and is getting settled in. Praise God for safe travels and the peace B has about where he is staying. I am also thrilled to know he has internet access and tomorrow he is going to get an international phone so he can call me directly!

Tomorrow is my MOPS group which is probably my favorite day ever. I love MOPS. I leave feeling recharged and not alone in this world. I love the fellowship of other military moms. I love the guidance of the senior mentors and I love the message from the speakers..oh and I LOVE the home-cooked breakfasts! So, tomorrow will be a very hectic morning getting us all out the door by 8:40am but we'll make it to preschool and to MOPS and all will be well! Yay!

This chapter is full of new and exciting things! Read on!

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