Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Oh the stress!

Where to even begin with this post?!? The stress! Let me start by saying that today I had to return to the hospital a holter monitor that I wore for 24 hours to record all my heart activity because I have been having heart palpitations. I have self-diagnosed that they are stress-related. It makes perfect sense to me. I guess in a week the doctor will either confirm or deny my own self-diagnosis.

B still isn't home (Duh, there WILL be a blog post about his homecoming). He doesn't know when he is coming home. He has received his official report date to DC - August 10th. But, we don't have a hard copy of his orders. Those will not come until mid-June. So, naturally, I haven't been able to apply for housing or a moving truck thus far. Awesome :-) (I hope you can hear the sarcasm) The housing wait list is 30-60 days. The moving truck wait list is 4-6 weeks...hmmm, how is this going to work out?

Our vehicles have been at the top of my list of stressors lately. B's Saturn Vue is now reregistered but needs a new wheel bearing - which in my mind basically means I have to occupy the kids for HOURS at the mall while Sears replaces said part and then charge me roughly $400 for this "service." Sounds super fun right? At least I did the new shocks last month :-)

My van, oh my van! The check engine light, the rattles, the squeals, the shocks, the struts...I don't know where to begin on this vehicle. So, after weighing my options and all the expenses involved in each, I dug out my Power of Attorney paperwork and headed to the dealership to buy a new van :-) (Okay, there really was some discussion with my hubby for the last few months about this. I didn't buy a new van spontaneously without telling him, haha.) After 6 hours at the dealership with the kids - seriously - I drove out in my beautiful 2008 Dodge Grand Caravan which makes no rattles, sounds, or squeals. And I got a GREAT deal!

In the meantime, D has an audiology and an ENT appointment next week and should be getting tubes in his ears shortly thereafter. My doctor found cysts in both my breasts and has instructed me to "watch them for any changes or growth." Lovely... D has strep throat which has required 2 visits to the doctor/pharmacy for the proper medication. And because of this, he had to miss one of the two days (all year!) he was scheduled to be at C's school in the MOMs program. He better be well enough to go Friday! I live for the few child-free hours I get every once in a while.

Oh, and I had a yard sale last weekend! (Read that as, "I went through all our closets and pulled out everything we will not be taking to DC....and then tried to sell it on a 90 degree day." Needless to say, I also went to Goodwill and the consignment store this week to get rid of everything else) C has her "family picnic" next week at school and then she graduates from preschool - with a cap and gown! I can't wait for this. Hopefully D will behave nicely so I can give her my full attention and adoration on the oh-so-special day. Then in June she has her Spring ballet recital and ballet pictures.

I don't know how I would have managed this past month without my friends. They have watched my kids, helped me with my yard sale, come over at a moment's notice, listened to me rant about our doctor visits, walked with me, called to check in, rejoiced with me, given hugs, reassured me, and spoken words of wisdom from experience. Its because of all this that I had a breakdown today. How can I move from these friends? How is it that I have been praying for over a year that God would allow our family to move to DC and give B this job... and now that He has done everything I've requested, I'm not ready? How is that? I don't want to leave my girl friends. I don't want to leave my church or my little brick duplex. Or my carport, or my neighbors...

The only reassuring element in all of this is that I know that even if I stayed, things wouldn't be the same. My friends are leaving too - some this year, some next year. Nobody in the military is permanent. Everybody leaves at sometime. I know that I will make friends in DC. I am confident that we will find a church that we love and that after 4 years I will feel the same way I feel now - that I don't want to leave! But for now, I can only see where I am right now. I can't imagine any other "ballet moms" ever being as good as the moms here. I can't imagine a MOPS group ever being as great as this one (and there is no way they will have as good of food at the meetings!). No church preschool department can compare to mine. No preschool will ever treat my kids as good as C's preschool. No playgrounds will ever be as good. No other neighbors can ever live up to mine. I am sure you get the point...

As I enter the last month of this deployment, please pray for me. I am so stressed. My body is feeling the effects and I am sure my kids are too. I need my husband home. I need to know that we will have a house when we move. I need to know that we will have movers :-) I need to know that I will have friends and that I will always stay in touch with the ladies from here. In my head I know that the Lord has every step planned out for me. He will not leave me hanging in any area of life. But my heart just wants to wrap around everything I've worked so hard to build and never let go. I love it here. I never thought I'd say that about this city. But I do...


  1. As you told me yesterday, I couldn't have explained how I feel better myself:)

    I know how you're feeling, and I wish I was closer and could help.

    I'm lifting you up in prayer and hoping and praying this gets easier for you!

    You are so strong! Your husband and the rest of the military community (me included!) are so proud of you!

  2. You most definitely have become a true "Army Wife" in every sense of the word.