Can I say it again? I miss him!

I do apologize if you are tired of reading about how I miss my husband. But this is my blog and I get to write about what is on my mind...and my deployed hubby is on my mind constantly. :-)

I am so ready for B to come home. I can't believe that as of right now, he is still going to be gone another 5 months. I truly don't know how I am going to make it. Of course I miss his help around the house with the "home things" and with our children. But now after 3 1/2 months, I completely miss him as my husband. Did you hear the whine in my voice? You should have because thats exactly how I just said it...

I don't really know how to describe it to someone that hasn't been without their significant other for an extended period of time. I know those of you who have ever faced a deployment or actually lost a spouse will understand what I feel. It's just that after being away from B for so long, I feel like I've actually forgotten what it was like when he was home. I mean, of course I remember what it was like, but I have kind of forgotten the feel of his kiss or his touch...or how it feels to actually snuggle up with him. When I think of his return this summer, I actually get a little anxious because it's as if I have to relearn or rediscover what our in-person-relationship is all about. So much of a marriage is made up of things that become second nature between the two of you... but that are truly intimate (even non sexual things) things shared only in marriage. I mean, who else do you kiss? Who else rubs your back or holds your hand? Who else can casually touch your leg or your stomach when you are just getting into bed for the night? Who else chats with you as you get dressed in the morning - or undress for bed? Of course there have been times when my sister has given me a massage or when I chatted with my mom as I put on my PJs, but you get the point. Nobody touches my leg or my stomach. Nobody kisses me that way. Those things will have to all wait until July. Those are the things I've kind of forgotten the feel of...

When non-military people hear of how long us military wives are separated from our spouses, most of them say, "you are so strong," and "I could never do that." Well, the truth is, neither can I. I can't be away from B for 8 1/2 months. My beautiful pregnant friend can't be away from her husband for 12 months. We can't do it. We have to though. Nobody ever asked us if we could do it or if we were willing to. Her husband has never felt his unborn daughter kick...but I have. I've seen how her belly has grown and rounded and how beautiful her bare belly looks, but he hasn't. How fair is that? It's not fair. She can't do it. I can't do it. She and I are no different than every other "wife" friend of mine reading this. We hate being away from our husbands every single day. We never "get used to it." Everyday is one day too many away from our husbands. Even a week away is too long...much less 8 or 12 months.

Bottom line - I miss B so much that it hurts. I am not strong. I am no different than you. I hate being alone. I want him home so badly. Every love song makes me think of him. Every "love movie" makes me miss him more. So, please enjoy your Valentine's Day. Treasure your spouse. Love him everyday. Don't take it for granted. And please pray that B gets orders soon so he can come home before July :-)