Waiting...

It seems like the waiting never ends...Waiting for my package to arrive in the mail, waiting for my kids to fall asleep, waiting for my dog to use the bathroom as we walk outside in the dark and cold, waiting for my husband to come home, waiting for orders to move to DC, waiting for D's fever to break, waiting in line, waiting for the water to boil, and waiting for an answer...

I get so wrapped up in the waiting that its sometimes hard to remember the Now. Sure I live in the Now but I get easily tied up in Tomorrow. I find myself thinking, "its going to be so nice when B is home and we get to go away for a weekend, " and "I can't wait to be packing and moving further up north. " But then as I think those things, I find myself neglecting what is going on Today.

The truth is, right now for me, Today is kind of mundane. Everyday is the same. I am tired and I am lonely. I have great friends that I love to see and chat with, but at the end of the day, they go home and I am left alone with the kids...and alone in my bed. I do think that part of this feeling is just this season of life - that season with very young children. I do feel that it is heightened without B here. It's hard to remember that though today seems mundane, "Today" is beautiful. Today my son is 15 months old and I am the brightest thing in his whole world. Today he buries his head in my shoulder as he drifts off to sleep sucking his thumb. Today my daughter needs me to draw a crown so she can cut it out and wear it around the house. Today she enjoys waking up super early and snuggling on the couch with me as I gulp down a cup of coffee before D wakes up. Today, my babies need me. Tomorrow, they will be grown. Tomorrow, we may be in DC in the blizzard! Tomorrow, B will be home and life will be back to usual. Tomorrow my package will come (well, it better!). Tomorrow....

When I take the time to get on the floor with the kids, they devour me. The climb on me and roll around. C always announces that she is the princess, D is the prince and I am the horse. Why do I always have to be the horse? I must always carry them around the living room on my back until they laugh so hard that they either fall off or I flip them off. Honestly, I do enjoy this. I enjoy D toddling over to me and giving me a big hug. I love watching him literally roll on the ground with sheer delight. I love watching C get excited about making a fort. I love when she wants to be tickled just so she can laugh and try and get away. I love seeing a little cloth diapered bum :-)

As I have been writing this, I have come to a more peaceful place in the Wait. I am still waiting and I still wish the wait were over. But I do truly enjoy the Now as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the LORD, more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Psalm 130: 5-6