The past few nights have been hard here. D has been sick and up time after time...after time. C had blood in her stool and had to go to the ER Friday night. I am just plain tired. I tried to go to bed early, but when D awoke again last night at 3:45am, and just wouldn't go back to sleep after several times of rocking, medicine giving, and bottle feeding, I just crawled back in bed and prayed he'd stay asleep. He didn't...and I had a melt down. It was a needed one, but still it was a melt down. I'd already been up at least 6 times with him and just wanted to sleep - I cried real tears and called out to God, "Why does B have to be gone? Why do my kids have to be sick so much? Why can't D stay asleep?" I just laid there as I listen to him cry in his room. I prayed that Jesus would rock him this time and clear up his stuffy nose so he could breathe when he tried to suck his thumb. "Please Lord, just rub his back and hold him so I can get some sleep." I know that if B were here, he would have gotten up. I needed Jesus to be that for me just then. I needed help. I let him cry for 15 minutes hoping he'd settle himself, but when he didn't, I got up again and rocked him. He was exhausted by then, and he fell asleep and his nose cleared. I laid him back in his crib and he stayed asleep until the morning. Praise Him. I need Him now, I needed Him then. I'll need Him tonight as well.
I am so thankful for so many things, but its easy to loose sight amidst my hectic everyday life. I am finding myself to be weaker and weaker rather than stronger and stronger. I find myself leaning on Him more and more each week. It is only through His strength that I can press on each morning. I pray about everything. I see Him in everything. I ask Him to make Darby potty when I'm walking her late at night before I got to bed. It's cold and I'm tired and I just want her to go so we can head back inside. God makes her potty. I pray to feel His presence as I stare up at the stars and clear sky one night while outside with her. I tell my Father I need to feel Him because I need help. A gentle cool breeze blows across the trees and on my face. I smile and thank Him. I love my Lord. He always hears me.
68. A Father who comforts me in the middle of the night.
69. A Savior who died for me.
70. A King who keeps His promises.
71. A Jesus who came for me.
72. A God who loves me more than I'll ever understand.
73. A Spirit who whispers to me through my mind, through song, through others, and through His Word.
74. A Shepherd who daily guides me.
75. A Counselor who accepts me as I am.
76. A Lord who answers me and cares about my cares.
These are the blessings that I am most thankful for today. It is Him who makes me, wakes me, loves me, guides me, saves me, forgives me, holds me, and understands me. Thank You, Father.
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