Saturday, January 16, 2010

Missing You

My Sweet Love,

It's been almost 3 months since you left us last Fall. Sometimes I think the time is flying by and sometimes I can't believe its only been two and half months. The kids and I have gotten in a good routine and we've adjusted to you being gone, but please hear me when I say that you are not forgotten for even one minute. Everyday C says, "I miss my daddy..." or "I wish my daddy was here," with a soft sadness in her voice. I can only respond by telling her that I miss you too. She says it at random times in the car, when we're watching a movie, or when we're reading a book. She prays for you at dinner - prays that you will come home safely. Tonight it tugged at my heart, "God thank you for the food, I love You, I pray for daddy that he will come home. Bring him home safely because I still love him." He loves you too, baby. She has no concept of how long you've been gone or how long you'll be gone. This makes me sad. I try and explain it to her, but she can't comprehend it yet.

I think of you constantly. I wonder what you're doing. I wonder if you're awake yet. Wonder what you look like. What are you wearing? Have you shaved yet? Do you need a haircut or did you get one recently? What does your rental car look like? I wish I could have dinner with you. I wish you'd come walking through the door for breakfast and then again just before dinner. I wish you were here to do the things I don't like to do. Wish you could take out the trash, get gas, clean our shower, grill our meat, and walk the dog. I think what I miss the most are our family outings. I wish we could load up and go to Petsmart or Target and then have lunch somewhere before heading home for the afternoon. Its just not the same without you. I miss watching movies with you. I miss your back massages.

I love seeing your face every time we video chat on Skype. I know we are so blessed to have this at our fingertips most days. For generations before us, families relied on written snail mail and now, even still, there are soldiers serving in remote areas where Skype is not available. I try and remind myself of all the ways your deployment is so much better than what so many other service members are doing, but at the end of the day, I miss you. You miss us. You are missing things and will continue to miss them. I am doing my best to video those moments, but I can't video all day long. I love when you get to see them on the computer. D loves to "talk" to you and show you his "walking skills" and C loves to just see your face and tell you her stories. I just love getting a glimpse into your world.

I need to get going now. I can hear D coughing through the monitor. He's getting a cold again and I fear I'll be up multiple times tonight rocking him and wiping a runny nose. Just know I'm thinking of you. I am so proud of you. You are a very good man. I love you.

Love Always,

1 comment:

  1. R you are such a strong woman and I am sitting here now with tears running down my face at work as I read this. You and B have such a great love for each other and I can't imagine being away from my husband with my little girls like you do! Its very lucky with the technology today, I am thankful for it everyday so that my girls can see my family back in the states.

    R again you are amazing!!!